Tip for my conservative colleagues: It’s spelled “Greece,” NOT “Grease.” You’re welcome.
One thing we have known about Ted Cruz for a very long time is that he’s a spineless sanctimonious lying piece of shit. And for a second time, he’s been caught vacationing while the state he represents in the United States Senate suffers from a natural disaster.
Just like he did with the ice storm that hit Texas, Ted Cruz hid in a foreign country as if the floods insulted Heidi Cruz’s face.
In 2021, a devastating winter storm, unofficially named Winter Storm Uri by the Weather Channel, hit the southeast, midwest, and northeastern part of the United States, along with northern Mexico, Canada, and even Greenland. It hit Texas so bad that its power grid went out, which left people freezing.
Uri killed 276 people in the US, with 246 of them in Texas. Where was Texas’ junior senator during all this? He was hiding at a resort in Cancun, Mexico.
Ted was one of those who lost power during the storm, and as we gleaned from Heidi Cruz’s texts, their house was “FREEZING.” Heidi suggested a getaway until the storm was over. She invited others to join them at the Ritz-Carlton in Cancún, where they had stayed “many times,” noting the room price that week was $309 per night, which probably isn’t an issue for an investment manager at Goldman Sachs (though she once complained that the family can’t afford a second home), and its “good security.”
So off they went, whee, to bathe in the warm sun rays of Cancun while 246 people died. Ted was enjoying the rays and margarita daiquiris until he got caught. And then he rushed home to do photo-ops of him putting bottled water into the back of SUVs while wearing a facemask featuring the Texas flag, to let voters know that he loves Texas, which he abandoned as soon as the freezing shit hit the fan.
When that happened, Ted said, “Fuck you, Texas. I’ll come back when it’s warmer and the power grid is back up. Are quesadillas half off during the Ritz-Carlton happy hour?”
When caught at the Cancun airport for his return to Texas, Ted said, “What’s happening in Texas is unacceptable.”
If he was talking about a senator bailing when his state is in trouble, he’s right. That’s unacceptable.
Ted blamed his 10 and 12-year-old daughters for his trip, saying, “On the one hand, all of us who are parents have a responsibility to take care of our kids, take care of our families. But I also have a responsibility that I take very seriously, of fighting for the state of Texas.”
And on the third hand, only a shitty father would throw his daughters under the bus.
Blow it your ass, Cancun Cruz. When Donald Trump insulted Heidi Cruz’s face during the 2016 primaries, Ted said that Trump is a “sniveling coward,” shortly before he jumped on the Trump train and redirected his career to be all about kissing Trump’s ass and heading out of town anytime the wind might get a little wooshy.
What’s disgusting is that Texas reelected Ted after bailing on his wife’s honor, and the state during Winter Storm Uri. What is wrong with Texas?
Over a decade ago, a guy told me that my dog needed training, and I never talked to him again. But Trump insults Ted's wife and father (claiming he helped murder JFK). Imagine my reaction if that guy had claimed my dog killed JFK. You sonofabitch.
Cancun Cruz making his trip about anything other than fleeing the Winter Storm Uri because he’s a human being with tiny little mouse balls is bullshit, Heidi, the one with the face, sells Ted out with her texts. Also, Ted wasn’t smart enough to at least pick a warm spot where it would be a challenge to create a new nickname, because “Cancun Cruz” is a gimme.
Now, Parthenon Ted did it again.
It’s not Ted’s fault that he was in Greece when the flood hit. It’s not like he could have gotten an early warning from the National Weather Service. But…when the flooding started, Ted was still in a polo shirt.
Ted claimed he came back to Texas as soon as he could, but 24 hours after the Guadalupe River burst its banks, sweeping away dozens of lives in an unspeakable horror whose full effects are still unfolding, Ted was caught standing in line to tour the Parthenon in Athens. Not Athens, Georgia (go, dogs), Athens, Greece.
From the Daily Beast…
…here’s Ted standing in line, not at the airport, but at the Parthenon. Which one is Ted? He’s the sniveling, cowardly rat bastard in the blue polo. Thank GOD the photographer didn’t catch Ted at one of Greece’s famous nude beaches.
Here he is again.
A witness claims he saw Ted in line and said, “20 kids dead in Texas and you take a vacation?”
The witness said, “He sort of grunted and walked on. His wife shot me a dirty look. Then they continued on with their tour guide.” We don’t know if this exchange is true, and I’m a skeptical person, but we know he was in Greece taking a tour last Saturday, after the floods had hit.
We also know there were flights out of Athens to Chicago, Atlanta, and Washington, DC, from where he could have connected to San Antonio, and probably Dallas and Houston last Friday and Saturday.
“As fast as humanly possible,” as his office described, turned out to be Monday, 72 hours after the disaster hit and after at least 80 people had died.
I wonder if Parthenon Ted flew first class.
I’ve heard some people say they wish Ted had stayed in Greece, but why do they hate Greece so much? There are a LOT of nude beaches on those islands. I pity the innocent sunbathers who would witness a naked Ted Cruz on the Greek sands. The horror! The horror, I tell you! That would ruin the Greek tourism industry.
Don’t you know that Heidi’s face froze that way during a terrified scream?
If you really like Ted, here’s a bonus of him reading Dr. Seuss’ Green Eggs and Ham.
Ted also once cooked bacon on a gun barrel. On one hand, I can see where that comes off as manly to cook your bacon by wrapping it around a gun barrel before you shoot it. But on the other hand, how can any southerner respect a guy who purposely eats what’s worse than flimsy/floppy/saggy microwave bacon?
Cooking bacon with a machine gun is how you confirm every stereotype Europe has of us.
Creative note: After hearing about this yesterday, and not from the few people who sent me notes about it (I subscribe to several news alerts, people, but thank you), I knew that Ted would be my next subject. But it took a while to get the brain percolating today, and I wrote the idea around 1 p.m. At first, I thought this idea might be too stupid, but then I thought about it again.
Also, no one else has done a Parthenon Ted cartoon yet, but they will now.
Music note: I listened to the Police and Dire Straits.
Drawn in 30 seconds:
Timelapse:
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You made Cruz look too good🤣
I wonder if Parthenon Cruz left his dog home alone during the flooding, like Cancun Cruz did?? What an ass... that poor little pup! Stuck all alone in a freezing house! I've hated him with even more of a passion since then!