Walk Like A Felon

Did Egypt Bribe Trump?

There are allegations that Egyptian President Abdel Fatah El-Sisi withdrew $10 million from a Cairo bank account to make a donation to Donald Trump's 2016 presidential campaign. It’s illegal to accept foreign campaign donations.

The money was withdrawn and delivered by Egyptian spies to the 2016 Trump Campaign after El-Sisi and Trump had a private meeting at the United Nations in September 2016.

After Trump was installed in the White House by Vladimir Putin, Trump gave Egypt $1 billion in military aid.

Remember, Donald Trump expressed an eagerness to accept foreign help to win the 2016 election. At one campaign stop, Trump said, “Russia, if you’re listening…” in a request for them to hack into the Clinton Campaign, which they started doing later that day. The result of this led Trump to read out loud at his rallies, material given to Wikileaks from the Russian hacking. Remember Trump saying, “I love Wikileaks?”

Trump was so eager to accept foreign assistance, that his son, Donald Trump Jr, invited Russians into Trump Tower on 5th Avenue, where the Trump Campaign was headquartered, to provide dirt on Hillary Clinton. Jared Kushner was in that meeting.

A source close to the Trump Campaign denied the allegations of Egypt donating to the 2016 campaign, saying, “This is about the only claim more absurd than the Letitia James/Jack Smith insanity.” Yeah, except the cases being brought by Letitia James and Jack Smith are totally justified, especially considering Letitia James won her case and Trump is a 34-time felon. Pick better comparisons, Trump Goon.

A source directly from the Trump Campaign was sent a list of several questions from The Washington Post, but replied without answering and saying the story was “textbook Fake News.”

Spokesgoon Steven Cheung said, “The investigation referenced found no wrongdoing and was closed. None of the allegations or insinuations being reported on have any basis in fact. The Washington Post is consistently played for suckers by Deep State Trump-haters and bad faith actors peddling hoaxes and shams.”

It appears that Trump has ordered all his subordinates to talk like he does.

An article in The Washington Post says that then-Attorney General William Barr directed Jessie Liu, the Trump-appointed U.S. attorney in D.C., to personally examine the classified intelligence to evaluate if further investigation was warranted. Then, Barr ordered Director Christopher Wray to impose “adult supervision” on FBI agents Barr described as “hell-bent” on pursuing Trump's records.

U.S. Attorneys typically stay in their posts until their replacements have been nominated by the new president and confirmed by the Senate, but Barr ordered Liu, who was investigating this case, to step down in January 2020 before President-Elect Joe Biden was inaugurated.

Another source close to Trump denied the claim and said the money would show up in a bank account, telling Newsweek that Trump would have to deposit it in over 1,000 banks to avoid automatic detection of money laundering. He or she said, “Remember any cash deposits over $10,000 must be reported by the bank.” But that’s not entirely true.

The source said that Trump would have to go to “over 1,000 banks with $9,999 cash deposits” to avoid detection and there is "not really a way to 'hide' that amount of cash, especially when your finances are constantly under a microscope."

Then the source said all of Trump's tax records are public "and none reflect any $10 million cash infusion" and there was “nothing sinister, suspicious or unusual” in his campaign finances.

And then we all keeled over with laughter.

The allegations say Egypt made this donation with bundles of $100 bills into two large duffel bags with a combined weight of 200 pounds. I don’t think you take this to JP Morgan and instead, deposit it into one of those gangster banks like the one The Joker robs in The Dark Knight Rises. And, it’s ridiculous to say that Trump’s tax records are public when they’re not and Trump worked so hard to hide them.

It’s especially ridiculous to think Donald Trump would deposit $10 million in cash from Egypt into a bank when his fixer created a shell company to pay hush money to a porn star Trump slept with. And why are we assuming he put it into a bank? It was given to him, allegedly, in cash for a reason.

Maybe this isn’t true, but it’s fishy when you consider that Trump is corrupt, is a grifter, and is dishonest. Why wouldn’t Trump take $10 million from a foreign nation, because he’s honest and has ethics? I’m going to keel over laughing again. And why did Barr keep the investigation a secret?

Since we’re talking about bank accounts, the top levels of the Trump Justice Department stopped investigators from subpoening Trump’s bank records before Barr canceled the investigation claiming there wasn’t enough evidence to find a crime. But maybe if he had looked into the bank records.

Also, in the final days of the 2016 election, Donald Trump injected $10 million of his own money into his campaign. Golly gee willikers…isn’t that the exact same amount that’s been alleged Egypt gave to Trump? Before that self-donation, the higher-ups in his 2016 campaign were asking Trump to put some of his own money into his campaign and he kept refusing…until the final days when he changed his mind for some reason. Whatever could that reason have been?

If it smells like a fish, then it’s probably a fish. If it walks like a duck, then it’s probably a duck. And if it’s anything involving Donald Trump, then it’s probably corrupt.

Egyptian gods note: I considered going with the Egyptian God Rah, the God of basically everything before deciding to go with Anubis, the god of the afterlife or some shit like that because I thought he looked cooler and would be more fun to draw. Feel free to educate me on Egyptian gods in the comments.

Music note: I listened to T. Rex.

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