Tampon Trump

Republicans think "Tampon Tim" is a clever attack.

I must be a horrible guy to make fun of a person that someone tried to kill. Build my gallows high. But, I feel justified in making fun of Trump in this case. Why?

First off, Trump has milked this. A guy who claims his crowd of 56,000 on Jan. 6 is larger than MLK’s of 250,000 is not going to be honest about anything. Even after al-Baghdadi was killed by our military, Trump had to make it bigger than it was. “This is bigger than killing bin Laden. He died like a dog.”

Someone shot at Trump on a Saturday night and by early Sunday morning, they already had the merchandise on his website. The shirts were on sale on the streets of Milwaukee the Monday after the assassination attempt. I saw it myself.

I took this photo in Milwaukee outside the convention.

Trump claimed the “bullet” ripped a hole through his ear but you didn’t even see a scar after he finally took the huge bandage off.

The bandage he wore was too big for a tiny wound and it didn’t look like a medical professional placed on it. It looked like a political operative attached it to his ear. Stephen Miller comes to mind. That dude is just creepy.

Trump wore the bandage throughout the GOP convention. It was on when he hugged the coat of the firefighter who died during the assassination attempt. Wearing a fake bandage while performing that political stunt shows how little he respects that someone died for him.

As soon as the convention was over and the cameras were off, Trump’s bandage was gone. It seems his ear wound went the way of his bone spurs.

Now, Trumpers say, “They tried to kill him,” implying Democrats did it when it was actually a Republican who took that shot. So just for that, screw you, MAGAts. You made it appropriate to make fun of Trump over this.

A lot of people are now wondering how his wound healed so quickly because you can’t see it now. I’m not a doctor or a gun specialist but it does seem that a bullet from a military-style assault rifle, like the one the Republican shooter used in Butler, Pennsylvania, would do more damage than an ear piercing. I haven’t put an earring through my piercing in over a decade, but the scar is still there and the hole probably is too. So why can’t we see a bullet wound in Trump’s ear from just a few weeks ago?

There are theories about this.

A. The bullet shot by a Republican was slowed down by hitting Trump’s teleprompter and a ricochet nicked his ear, though Trump said it went right through his ear.

B. What hit Trump’s ear was not a bullet shot by a Republican, but a fragment of the bullet shot by a Republican after it hit the teleprompter.

C. The most likely scenario is it was a piece of glass off the teleprompter that hit Trump’s ear…because of a bullet shot by a Republican.

D. Trump is a lizard person and regenerates quickly…even after being shot at by a Republican.

Perhaps the weirdest part of this is that MAGAts started calling Minnesota Governor and Vice President Kamala Harris’ running mate, Tim Walz, “Tampon Tim” after their guy wore what resembled a Kotex on the side of his head for a week.

Why are they calling Walz “Tampon Tim?” Because Walz signed a bill into law that mandated public schools offer free menstruation products in their restrooms, even in the boys’ room. The bill was wide-ranging and contained a lot more than putting feminine hygiene products in the boys’ bathrooms.

The fact is, some trans students using the boys’ restrooms may need these products. A lot of students don’t have access to period products. A study conducted in 2021 found that more than 84 percent of students in the US have either missed class time or know someone who did because they did not have access to period products. The same study found that 38 percent of US teenage students who menstruate said they “often or sometimes cannot do their best schoolwork due to lack of access to period products.”

Remember when the fuckers howled about free condoms in school? Remember how they were against free condoms while being against sex education? Remember how too many people didn’t see the stupidity in that? Remember how people were trying to figure out why they were going to be grandparents at 33 despite opposing free condoms and sex education? “How did that happen? We told them ‘no.’”

Making these products available for students isn’t radical. It’s not a progressive agenda to convert students to become trans. It’s compassionate. Of course, the same people who are against feeding poor kids hate this idea. They’re using it politically to attack the people who are compassionate. In the process, they’re showing how bigoted they are.

After a similar law passed in Connecticut, one male Republican said it would confuse boys to see tampon dispensers in their bathroom. Puh-leeeeeeze. Confuse boys? Boys are already confused about menstruation. Even grown men put their fingers in their ears and go “la la la la” when someone starts talking about lady plumbing business. I’ve seen guys ask bartenders to change the channel when a tampon commercial came on.

Karoline Leavitt, a spokesgoon for the Trump Campaign said to Fox News, “As a woman, there is no greater threat to a woman’s health than leaders ... who support putting tampons in men’s bathrooms in public schools.” How much do you want to bet that as soon as she said “tampon,” Sean Hannity started going “LALALALALALA!!!!”? Jesse Watters probably crawled under a couch.

What the spokesgoon showed is that even some MAGA ladies don’t understand what goes on down there in the lady plumbing region.

She said, “As a woman.” Really? As a woman, you believe a tampon machine in a boys’ bathroom is the greatest threat to women’s health? Did she read that statement handed to her before she went on live TV? You’d think it’d go something like this: “As a woman, tampons in the boys’ room is the greatest threat to wo… What the hell? Who’s the idiot who wrote this stupid shit? Nunes? Was that you? What? It was Eric? That explains A LOT!”

As a woman, did she say it through gritted teeth? I’m sure a dude wrote that because I can’t imagine a woman writing it unless it was Lauren Boebert or Marjorie Taylor Greene. It still scares me they’re breeding, making America’s future morons.

There are greater threats to women’s health than where we put tampon machines. I think forcing a 15-year-old girl to give forced birth to her rapist uncle’s baby is a greater threat to her health than a tampon machine in the boys’ bathroom.

I can just imagine Doctor MAGAt telling a woman that yes, her pregnancy will probably kill her and state law and Clarence Thomas won’t let her have an abortion, but the good news is that at least there aren’t any tampon machines in the men's room threatening the health of other women.

The greatest danger of putting tampon dispensers in boys’ restrooms is clogged toilets.

What Republicans are doing by attacking Governor Walz with “Tampon Tim” is showing just how bigoted and hateful they are. They’re also showing their ignorance. Remember when Rush Limbaugh attacked a female college student for using birth control, thinking that women have to take a pill each time they have sex, and accused the college student of being a slut? Other than loudly saying he had never touched a woman before, he was telling the world that Republicans hate women. It’s too bad Limbaugh was too stupid to be embarrassed by his public stupidity.

Don’t take health advice from the party that denies science. Don’t take health advice from the party that’s against vaccinations. Don’t listen to Republicans who believe tampons in the boys’ room are a threat to women while they prevent 13-year-old rape victims from getting abortions. Don’t let people tell you who does and doesn’t menstruate when they believe life begins at having a wank. Don’t believe people who claim they care about women’s health when they’re trying to ban Obamacare. Don’t listen to people who talk about tampons in school more than they talk about feeding children. Don’t believe Republicans when they claim they care about the threat to students from tampon dispensers when they won’t even try to save them from school shootings.

If Republicans get their way, it’ll be harder to access tampons than AK-47s.

And if you want to give Tim Walz a nickname, call him “No Child Goes Hungry Tim.” But then again, I’m sure Republicans believe that feeding kids in poverty is another radical woke progressive idea that’s a danger to kids who aren’t hungry.

The biggest thing to me about tampon dispensers in the boys’ room is, so what?

Chicago: As most of you already know, I was in Milwaukee for the Republican Convention and I posted pictures, videos, and coverage on social media. I’ll be in Chicago for the Democratic National Convention but this time, I think I’ll only post the coverage here, on Substack.

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