Senator Jon Ossoff caused a dust-up this week with MAGA world and the White House when he brought up Special Assistant to the President and Executive Assistant to the President, Natalie Harp. Yes, she has two official titles, and possibly two more. Fellow White House staffers referred to her as the “human printer” because she brings along a printer everywhere she goes, even on golf courses, to print out glowing articles about Donald Trump for him to read on the spot because he needs constant validation like an eight-year-old. Her other title was handed to her by New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman, which is the “human binky.”
At a campaign rally in a race that he is most likely to win, the Georgia Senator accused Trump of wanting to “build his ballroom and travel with Natalie” instead of doing his job.
This triggered Trump and White House spokegoon Stephen Cheung to attack Ossoff, with Cheung tweeting, “Jon Jackoff has to be the biggest cuck loser in politics.” Cheung’s colleague Davis Ingle called Ossoff a “cringeworthy, feminine theatre kid.
Ossoff’s shot must have gotten closer than that bullet that supposedly nicked Trump's magically-healing ear.
After being asked about the senator’s comments by CNN reporter Kristen Holmes, Trump said, “You mean Pee-wee Herman? Pee-wee Herman look-alike, and then he attacked Holmes for asking the question. Later, the White House’s anonymous “rapid response” team launched a furious personal attack on the reporter, even invoking her children, posting on social media, “Someday, your children will come across your disgusting and inhumane question.”
MAGAts are upset because they believe Ossoff insinuated that Trump is making Natalie, who looks like a cross between Ivanka Trump and Stormy Daniels, his own Monaco Lewinsky. But it is fair to ask what it is she is doing for Trump and why she has to be constantly attached to his bulbous side. After all, we are the ones paying her $150,000 a year salary.
According to an article written by Haberman and her colleague Jonathan Swan, Harp’s main job is offering a steady stream of reassurances to Trump. She leaves love letters on his pillow with language like, “You are all that matters to me” and “I want to bring you joy.” I have worked with a lot of asskissers in my time, but I've never heard groveling on that level. Somewhere even Mike Pence is saying, “Damn girl…show some dignity.”
Harp carries around a briefcase full of clippings from social media and right-wing media websites of MAGA types praising Trump, to be brought out and shown to him whenever his mood needs stabilizing, much as a parent would offer a stuffed toy to a baby. Harp’s devotion to Trump is ecstatic to the point of religiosity. When she worked at One America Network, she would end her segments by quoting Trump or the Bible, as if they were the same.
Once in 2023, when Trump was going to court, there wasn't enough room in the SUV, so she rode in the trunk. SHE RODE IN THE TRUNK! When Trump was transported in the catering cart to the secret plane, leaving Air Force One as a decoy for Iranian terrorists, Harp was one of the “important” people he chose to bring along. Trump’s Secretary of State, Marco Rubio, was apparently expendable, as he was left on the decoy plane, but Trump needed his babysitter by his side.
In addition to wiping Trump's ass, Harp helps manage Trump’s Truth Social account. She is the one who was responsible for the racist video depicting Barack and Michelle Obama as apes and an AI-generated image portraying Trump as Jesus Christ. Remember when the racist video went up, and the White House said an aide did it, yet they wouldn't name the aide? That was Harp.
Natalie Harp is a female Waylon Smithers.
The only other person in the Trump regime who is probably willing to go as deep with the ass wiping/kissing as Natalie Harp is Attorney General Todd Blanche.
Whatever the extent of Harp’s duties, it’s undeniable that she’s there to keep the temperamental taco calm by distracting him from his own failures with words of praise and affirmation, which is not doing the nation any good. That 80-year-old Trump needs this is a sign of profound weakness and insecurity. Stable adults do not need full-time babysitters. That Harp’s job even exists is a testament to Trump’s extreme narcissism, but it also carries more than a whiff of elder care and suspicions about medical conditions that require monitoring and placating. Remember, MAGAts attacked Joe Biden's health and mental acumen.
About that White House response: Kurt Bardella, a political commentator and former congressional aide, said: “It does invoke the famous line, ‘Methinks he doth protest too much’. You made this a bigger thing.”
Bardella continued, “There’s something in life called a proportional response, and what we saw from the White House was a massive response, which only further encourages questions and intrigue. It’s like, ‘Oh, there must be a there there for you to react so violently.’ If their thought process was this will tamp down speculation and gossip, whoever thought that is a moron.”
That moron was probably Donald Trump.
There are 76 days left until the midterms.
Creative note: When I thought of doing this subject yesterday, I speculated that I might be the very first cartoonist to cover it. I was wrong….very, very wrong. Before the night was through, I saw at least five cartoons featuring Natalie Harp.
Rosie: When I was putting together my book, Tales from the Trumper Fire in 2019, I needed a few quotes for the back cover. One of the people I asked was Rosie O’Donnell. I figured it was a long shot, but it never hurts to ask, right?
So I sent Rosie a message with my request, and usually after someone agrees to something like this, it takes a while to get it. I mean, they’re busy, they’re famous, they have things to do, so you will probably have to remind them 6 to 17 times over several months. Not with Rosie. Rosie’s reply to my request included the quote for my book. So if anyone gives Rosie a hard time, they’re going to get a hard time from me.
This week, Rosie has returned to host a talk show, as she is this week's guest host of the Jimmy Kimmel show. Tonight on Fox News, Laura Ingram had Raymond Arroyo, a contributor to the network, as a guest on the show, and they were attacking Rosie. They even criticized her for having an autistic child sing on the show. Remember, with MAGA, the cruelty is the point. Have you ever heard Laura Ingraham's fake laugh? It's bone-chilling.
Arroyo attacked Rosie, claiming that all she did was go after Donald Trump, and then he said that he had watched some of Jimmy Kimmel Live with Rosie hosting, so Fox viewers didn't have to suffer. Arroyo is a liar.
I watched Rosie's monologues from Monday and Tuesday, and she may have mentioned Donald Trump three times. So. Arroyo didn't watch the shows, or he's making shit up, which is usual for a goon from Fox News. As I said, if you give Rosie a hard time, I'm gonna give you a hard time. Fuck you, Arroyo, you lying piece of shit.
I want to thank Jimmy Kimmel for having her as a guest host this week because Rosie O’Donnell is awesome. I’m very happy for her and her return to talk show TV. Rosie O’Donnell rocks!
I hope this tortures Donald Trump. You know he's watching.
Grim Reaper cartoons: last week, a MAGAt accused me of not being able to think for myself because I am “far left.” Meanwhile, MAGAt cartoon critics don’t question the hive mind that produces the same cartoon from cartoonists like Jon Russo, Antonio Branco, Tom Stiglich, Gary Varvel, and Al Goodwyn.
Drawn in 30 seconds:
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Not just his Hospice nurse then. And the resemblance to his daughter is frightening. What was the line he said about dating his child? Yeech!
Natalie, oh Natalie! Your “Daddy’s” diaper dandy. You write the words that are absurd while keeping your printer handy.
You are so agog to write his blog while his brain is a total fog.
But with each butt wiped and nappy changed your adoration seems deranged.
You’ve reached a position rare indeed; a fawning floozy to meet Jabba’s need.
Yes, you’re loyal and devoted and your love notes are oft quoted.
But if there’s any truth in history your demise won’t be a mystery.
Say goodbye Sarah, good bye Karoline. Is Natalie next in line? She’s so close to her Daddy Donnie that she’s likely powdering his fanny.
But like a fractured fairytale,
Natalie’s ship will likely sail.
As Melania will come to separate the budding tryst at the gate.
For Natalie is it too late? Will she have a star crossed fate?
I guess we will just have to wait….