Flat-Chested Two

Trump is unhappy

Judge Jeanine is in the Trump doghouse.

Sources in the White House say that Trump and others felt blindsided by U.S. Attorney for DC Jeanine Pirro dropping vandalism charges against David Hearn, the former Olympian, whom she and the Justice Department had accused of vandalizing the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool.

A senior administration official said, “The president did not know beforehand that she was going to do that.” Reportedly, while Fox News was silent on the matter over the weekend, Trump was fuming.

Pirro, for her part, felt blindsided by Interior Secretary Doug Burgum and his department for their claim that the pool was vandalized when all along, it was just shitty workmanship by the company Donald Trump gave a no-bid contract to renovate the pool.

Trump feels that insulting his chosen contractor is insulting his reputation as a developer, as the renovation of the Reflecting Pool has been one of his pet projects.

Trump told reporters, “I was disappointed in Jeanine Pirro. Really disappointed in Jeanine Pirro. She folded like an umbrella.” In a private meeting with her and Burgum in the Oval Office on Monday, Trump told her “she choked,” according to inside sources. She choked because once you tell a Trump lie, you are supposed to stick with it, no matter how many facts fly in your face.

Burgum was willing to stick with the lie while Pirro had to face a federal judge. She chose to tell the truth, that the damage to the Reflecting Pool was because of shoddy workmanship and not vandalism, instead of sticking to the lie by standing on shoddy ground.

The Justice Department acknowledged in its Friday court filing that Trump’s $14 million renovation of the Reflecting Pool was “hasty and botched” and said it was dropping the criminal case against the former Olympian.

Pirro argued in her filing that the Department of the Interior “provided less than fulsome information at the outset of this case.”

“Had DOI been forthcoming with the information clearly in its possession, the government would not have sought a grand jury indictment,” it read. Of course, it was her shoddy work as a prosecutor to fail to do her due diligence and find evidence, and to present a fraudulent case before a grand jury without all the information. You can't blame other people because you suck.

Meanwhile, Pirro’s department has dropped cases against three more individuals previously charged with destruction of property at the Reflecting Pool, according to DC court filings. The three faced fines up to $1,000 and a maximum of 180 days behind bars.

Trump and Pirro also spoke by phone on Saturday about the court filing. Their conversation “wasn’t pretty,” said one of the sources, who was read out on the call. Another source said that Pirro told Trump it was the career officials in her office who were responsible for the filing.

Trump yelled at Pirro and “read her the riot act” during a meeting Monday night in the Oval Office, according to two sources briefed on the meeting, to which hero brought “boxes of evidence” to defend herself. While White House officials said that Pirro was still on thin ice, multiple sources familiar with the relationship said they believe Pirro is safe, for now, citing her years-long relationship with Trump.

“It would be hard for him to fire her. He likes her, and he’s not the same impulsive guy he was during the first term,” one of the sources said, while still noting that “anything can happen.”

But when asked by reporters on Tuesday if Pirro will remain in her role, Trump said, “I haven’t made a determination.”

Since Pirro, a former Fox News host, was appointed US attorney for DC, Trump surged federal troops into the city, prompting Pirro’s office to field exponentially more criminal cases in court. As Trump has demanded that she bring bullshit cases to prosecute his perceived enemies, grand juries and trial juries have regularly rejected prosecutors’ arguments in DC’s federal court.

A grand jury rejected Pirro's attempt to prosecute the DC sandwich thrower. She failed to indict sitting members of Congress for a video they taped that courts have found was First Amendment-protected speech. She also has tried to investigate former Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell, and criticized the chief judge of the DC District Court for shutting down a related subpoena.

And more embarrassment may be coming their way. David Hearn, the man whose life they tried to ruin by making him the scapegoat for damage to the Reflecting Pool, has options. Among them are: referring the prosecutors involved to a bar disciplinary authority (DO IT); asking inspectors general to look at the conduct of the Justice Department and Interior Department (DO IT); filing lawsuits (DO IT); seeking more of the grand jury record documenting the prosecutors’ presentation of the indictment (DO IT); and asking the judge to dismiss the case so it cannot be brought again (DO IT).

Pirro’s office has so far sought only to dismiss Hearn’s charge without prejudice, meaning prosecutors wouldn’t be barred from attempting to revive the case later.

Donald Trump has a long sordid history of rating women along with making degrading comments about them. During one Howard Stern interview, Trump ranked women on a scale of 1 to 10 based on their looks, including Halle Berry, Carmen Electra, and Charlize Theron. Trump said, “I view a person who’s flat-chested as very hard to be a 10.” He has thrown insults at women for their physical appearance, from Hillary Clinton to Carly Fiorina to Rosie O'Donnell. He said that he would not have sexually assaulted or raped E. Jean Carroll because he's not attracted to her, although in one deposition, he confused a photo of her with a photo of his wife. One wonders where he would rank Jeanine Pirro.

For me, if you rank Trump and Pirro as human beings, I would give them both zeros.

There are 90 days until the midterms.

Creative note: I got this idea 10 minutes before I had to catch a bus to see a neurologist, and I wanted to cancel the visit and just start working on this cartoon. But I was a good boy, and I went.

Neurologist visit: So I saw a neurologist this morning for the first time since my stroke. The visit went well; my numbers are good, and she showed me an image of my brain where all the damage hit. Yes, I have brain damage. None of my medication was changed, but she added a new one that will hopefully relax the tightness in my shoulder, which has been in pain since before the stroke. Also, I did not suffer a stroke; I suffered several strokes, as it turns out, and they all originated in my head.

The doctor said it would be safe for me to fly, and I hope I wasn't too much of a smart ass during this part. After I asked if I could fly, she asked, “Do you mean on a plane?” Being who I am, I said, “No, I wanna flap my arms and go to California.” I'm lucky she was a good sport, but she was making sure I didn't mean that I was flying the plane.

She also said it was OK if I drank beer again, as long as it was in moderation. I'm actually scared to drink too much beer, as that is one great way to raise your blood pressure. My blood pressure has been consistently good over the past several months, and I would like to keep it that way.

But I think I am going to get a Guinness.

Drawn in 30 seconds:

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