Extra Crispy MAGA

There really is a war between KFC and Church's Fried Chicken

I expect Donald Trump to boast that there wasn’t a fried chicken war during his first presidency (sic). Thanks a lot, Joe Biden.

Last week, KFC filed a lawsuit against Church’s Chicken for violating its trademark when Church’s started using “original recipe” in its advertising.

The fried chicken wars sound amusing, but KFC has a point. When you hear “original recipe,” what do you think about? You don’t think about Big Macs, Whoppers, or Frosties. You think about KFC. Why didn’t Church’s also come up with their own colonel? Sheesh. While you’re at it Church’s, go ahead and take Ronald from McDonald’s because I heard they have a new clown working the fry vat and drive-thru (he’s to good at it, so I think he’s taking another job where he sucks).

What’s your thought on this trademark thing? Hell, I get slightly annoyed when other cartoonists use Pizza Rat, sippy cups, and when they give Trump a Russian flag lapel pin. I was infuriated last year when another cartoonist used Wilson the Volleyball and he accepted all the compliments calling him a genius.

Trump says he’s going to end the war between Russia and Ukraine on his first day in office. This is bad news for Ukraine because Trump has always been on Russia’s side and uses their arguments. He called Putin a genius for the invasion and has never said he wishes the democratic nation to win this war, which began after Russia invaded it. After the election, Sniffy Trump Jr tweeted taunts at Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky.

For Trump, his way of ending the war will be to stop funding Ukraine and give half the nation to Putin. Voila, the war is over and everyone’s happy…except for Ukrainians with many of them now being Vladimir Putin’s subjects.

That makes you wonder which side Trump will take in the Friend Chicken Wars. I’m going to say KFC because there are photos of him shoving that greasy shit in his face. You would think his favorite in the fried chicken wars would be Chick-fil-A because the homophobic zealots who love that shit voted for him.

I bet if you polled the eaters of chain-restaurant fried chicken, you’d find that the majority of Chick-fil-A eaters voted for Trump and the majority of Popeye’s fans voted for Kamala Harris. Popeye’s is the best of the franchise fried chicken as it actually tastes good with real seasoning and flavor (the physical restaurants are kinda nasty). It’s the chicken that comes with Louisiana Hot Sauce. So gooooood. Trump would never eat Popeye’s even if it was slathered in ketchup and Big Mac secret sauce (1,000 Islands dressing. Shhhh…don’t tell anyone). I doubt Trump can end Putin’s war on Ukraine on the first day of his second presidency (good god…that’s really happening?) SIC!!!! I doubt Trump could even end the fried chicken wars. Maybe he could end one of the two franchises by working the chicken vat and throwing drumsticks at people from the drive-thru window. I bet the grease from KFC is among the combo stink coming off Donald Trump’s body.

By the way, I do like KFC occasionally. It has its place, but Popeye’s is the champion. Chick-fil-A is too zealotry as I like my fried chicken without homophobia. I haven’t had Church’s since I was a kid but it was my mom’s favorite. It’s been so long since I had it that I don’t remember if it was good or bad. I had some Raising Cane’s last week at Union Station (where they used to have a Bojangles) and it’s kinda meh. I tried the fried chicken at Royal Farms but I could barely taste it under all the salt. I haven’t tried Zaxby’s but I hear good things.

I think the best fried chicken I ever had, homemade or from a restaurant, was in a gas station in Sardis, Mississippi.

I’m very opinionated about food, especially something like fried chicken. What’s your favorite fried chicken? Aand don’t say chicken nuggets or boneless wings. Don’t make me come down there.

Another thanks to paid subscribers: I’m on the verge of losing another client with this one complaining that my cartoons are, once again, “too political.” Remember this blog from September? Yeah, some of the same bullshit. Once again, I’m not caving.

This will be the second client I lost since the election, and I am going to lose it because I’m not going to start drawing happy-face fuzzy-wuzzy cartoons to keep a client who doesn’t pay a lot for my service.

So, since I’ve been losing clients out the Yingyang since the election, I once again want to thank all my PAID subscribers for helping me pay the bills. And if you’re not a paid subscriber yet, you can be. You have the power to make me say “Yowzah” which I do every time I get an email that I have a new paid subscriber. You don’t want to hear what I say when I get the email saying a paid subscriber has canceled.

Creative note: I was concerned about the Douchebag cartoon and that some of my clients would shriek when they saw the word, so I sent them two versions. But this morning, I saw that The Week (a client) published the Douchebag cartoon, so maybe I can also get away with “cock fight.” Besides, they said “cock fight” on Seinfeld (Little Jerry won his cock fight) on primetime network TV back in the 90s, so I should be able to say “cock fight” in a political cartoon. Besides, “cock” isn’t a bad word unless you’re referencing something that’s not a male chicken. I think that’s right.

Speaking of douchebags, I got a late start today because of my upstairs neighbor. This morning around 3 a.m., Douchey's girlfriend was screaming outside his door while banging and kicking it very loudly. He wouldn’t let her in. to be fair, I wouldn’t let her in because she’s nasty, but so is he. At first, because I was groggy, I couldn’t tell where it was coming from, and just as I opened my door, so did another neighbor who screamed for her to shut the fuck up. It was 3 a.m. and people have jobs in the morning. She did not shut up. After a while, I called the police and since they know who are you when you call (thanks, Dick Cheney), the dispatcher answered the phone by saying, “Is this about the screaming lady in your building?” As it turns out, I was the third person to call. The dispatcher said she would go ahead and send some cops over and I was like, “This is the third call and you’re just now sending cops?” It must have been like, I don’t believe there’s a screaming lady in that building at 3 a.m. but if I get one more call, then I’ll send some cops. By the time they arrived, the screaming had stopped although I had yelled at them that I was calling the cops.

I don’t like calling the police on people. I would rather people do their own thing without involving me. But it was 3 a.m. and it wasn’t stopping. I didn’t even call the cops when they were having a domestic dispute a few weeks ago.

This is the same neighbor who flooded my apartment last August (the day before I flew to Chicago for the DNC convention) because he’s too stupid to know he’s supposed to turn off the sink faucet before he goes to sleep. This gold chain-wearing greasy-hair douche named Jeff (I know his name now after hearing it 48,000 times last night, as in, “Jeff! Open the fucking door!”) who wears his shirts unbuttoned to his navel told me since he hadn’t lived in an apartment for 30 years, he wasn’t aware that he had to turn faucets off, and it didn’t wake him or his screamy girlfriend. Then he asked me if I could give him a cigarette for Screamy. I told him I don’t smoke and he said, “I don’t either,” and I said, “I don’t give a fuck if you smoke or not, I’m ankle-deep here!” I had to go without lights in my living area for over two months (it was fixed last week) because my landlady “gets around” to things (my toilet has been running for over a year).

I assure you, I’m not making any of this up. I live in a studio apartment. I’m poor. Don’t judge me.

Music note: I listened to Hole. Not that glossy-poppy Celebrity Skin shit, but Pretty on the Inside and Live Through This.

Drawn in 30 Seconds:

Timelapse with a voiceover:

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