Knock out douchey-doo

It's been a good two weeks for obnoxious right-wing scumbags

As the Jake Paul-Mike Tyson fight was approaching, I told friends that we deserved to see a douchebag get knocked out. It’s something I really wanted to see.

The douchebags, assholes, fucknuts, scumbags, fuckers, and shitweasels have been winning for the past few weeks. I’m still in shock that Donald Trump won (gag). WTF, amIright? I had a conversation with another cartoonist last night and we talked about the reasons why America would re-install a rapey racist felon into the presidency after he already tried to steal it with a white nationalist terrorist insurrection.

There’s no way around the fact Donald Trump is a grade-A D-bag. He’s a narcissistic liar, grifter, racist, and sexist who should be walking into prison instead of the White House. He’s even raised mini-me douchebag versions of himself in Donald Trump Jr and Eric Trump. There’s even talk about D-bag Eric’s D-bag wife running to replace D-bag Marco Rubio in the Senate, which brings us to other douchey doos in the upcoming (gag) Trump administration.

Rubio, who once joked about Trump’s tiny fingers, insinuating heavily that he had an itty bitty tiny dinky, sold out and became a MAGAt. His reward now, after being called “Little Marco” by Trump, is to be his secretary of state which will not impress foreign diplomats unless he travels to his international destinations by flapping his ears. Marco is too full of shit not to be a douchebag.

Stephen “Baby Goebbels” Miller will be featured in Trump 2.0 (sic). You can’t look like Stephen Miller, who loves separating Latino families, goose-stepping, and spraying hair on his head, and not be a douchebag.

There are lady D-bags too in the upcoming administration. Kristi Noem is going to be the director of Homeland Security and she’ll know how to protect this nation if we’re ever invaded by German wirehaired pointer puppies. You can’t shoot a puppy and not be a douche.

Speaking of wirehaired, Elon Musk will be co-chairing a new agency created so he can grift the government while destroying it. Elon purchased Twitter just to make himself into a bigger D-bag than he already was. His co-chair is Vivek Ramaswamy, a conspiracy theorist who has some douchey hair himself sitting atop his enormous forehead. When Vivek was running for president, the only people who liked him were Elon Musk, Jake Paul, and Donald Trump.

Speaking of giant foreheads attached to douchebags, Trump invited Matt Gaetz, who’s been under investigation for paying a 17-year-old to sleep with him, to head the Justice Department. Naming Gaetz to be the nation’s chief law enforcement officer would be like appointing Al Capone to head the Department of Justice…if he was a pedophile.

Pete Hegseth is Trump’s pick to head the Defense Department and if coming from Fox and Friends didn’t make him a douchebag, sexually assaulting women does. Heggy paid a woman hush money to keep quiet about his attack.

Tulsi Gabbard is another she-douche as she sold out her principles, turned from Democratic to Trumper, and is a Putin fangirl. Selling out your nation, which she can now do as Director of National Intelligence, makes you a douche.

Elise Stefanik, who’ll be the ambassador to the United Nations sold out her principles to replace Liz Cheney, who got tossed from her congressional leadership position because she has principles. Douche.

Thomas Homan will be border czar, a position Trump has created from which Douchebag Homey can deport immigrants.

Then there’s Trump’s veep (sic), couch-humping, and dolphin porn aficionado JD Vance who went from stating Trump is Hitler to being Trump’s running mate. Days before the election, he referred to Kamala Harris as “trash.” DOUCHE!!!!

After seeing all these goons being appointed to help Trump destroy our nation, we could all feel a little better by seeing a douchebag get knocked out by Mike Tyson, but dammit…that didn’t happen.

I believe half the nation went from expecting Harris to win to believing Tyson would knock out Jake Paul, but we didn’t get that either. In fact, Jake Paul won on a technicality although, a lot of people believe it was fake. So much for small comforts.

“Influencer” Jake Paul is a Trumper who has grifted his audience, including children, in the past by selling them courses on how to be as much of a dick as he is and has also been accused of sexual assault. He’s a COVID denier who’s claimed that the flu killed more people than COVID and 98 percent of news on it is fake. After a guy took a shot at Trump’s ear, Paul said, “If it isn't apparent enough who God wants to win. When you try and kill God's angels and saviors of the world it just makes them bigger.”

Believing Donald Trump is one of God’s “angels” or a “savior” makes you a douchebag.

Drawn in 30 Seconds:

Timelapse with a voiceover:

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