Brain Quack

Never mind the new quack hole

On Monday, Secretary of Health (sick) Robert F. Kennedy Jr. removed all 17 members of the vaccine advisory committee for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

RFK Jr. said in a statement, “A clean sweep is necessary to reestablish public confidence in vaccine science. ACIP (Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices) new members will prioritize public health and evidence-based medicine. The Committee will no longer function as a rubber stamp for industry profit-taking agendas.”

RFK Jr. is a rubber stamp for conspiracy theories.

The American Medical Association said Kennedy's decision undermines “trust and upends a transparent process that has saved countless lives.”

In 2019, RFK Jr. engaged in spreading conspiracy theories and misinformation that helped spread a measles outbreak in Samoa that killed at least 83 people, mostly babies, in that nation.

RFK Jr is an agent of bullshit and only an insane person would listen to him, less enough, put him in charge of the nation’s health.

Dr. Jonathan Temte, who served as chair of the ACIP from 2012 to 2015, said that “across the entire world, ACIP has been the paragon of solid, well-thought-out, evidence-based vaccine policy. I hate to say this, but we are heading in the direction of U.S. vaccine policy becoming the laughing stock of the globe.”

Except people in Samoa aren’t laughing.

RFK Jr also believes in chemtrails. What are chemtrails? There are no chemtrails.

The white lines you see trailing behind jets in the sky are contrails, condensed water vapor and ice crystals.

But Kennedy and other assorted lunatics believe the government is making passenger jets cropdust toxic chemicals across the nation to induce mind control, mass sterilization, and to control the weather, including creating or intensifying hurricanes. Forget Climate Change as the reason for increased hurricanes, the real culprit are chemtrails. Chemtrails may also be responsible for the deaths of Tupac and Jeffrey Epstein.

Chemtrails may have also killed Sly Stone and Brian Wilson. Since these celebrity deaths come in three, don’t be surprised when another genius musician drops dead in a few days. Has anyone checked on Gene Simmons? He’s fine? Of course he is.

Several years ago, during the Obama administration, an old dude sat next to me at a bar and asked if I knew about chemtrails. I learned later that it was a passion of his, along with the belief that President Obama would never leave the White House. Maybe he’s still there and nobody knows.

At this time, I heard something about chemtrails and knew it was a bullshit conspiracy theory, but I hadn’t dived into it yet. But this guy was a true believer and whipped out his phone with pictures of contrails as proof. “See this line? Chemtrails. See this other line? Again, chemtrails. And this line? Chemtrails, chemtrails, chemtrails. He went into a well-rehearsed speech about it to the point I just had to lie back and think of England. It would not end.

A few weeks later, at the same bar, the guy sat next to me again, and didn’t recognize me, and started his riff again, “Have you heard about chemtrails?” I wasn’t biting this time. I told him I wasn’t listening to his chemtrail shit again, and he had to go sit someplace else. Someplace far from me. I wasn’t going to deal with it. And, he found someplace else to sit.

It was like one of those lunatics on Facebook who scream debunked lies at you, except you’re actually in the real world, sitting next to him. It’s brutal. That’s RFK Jr. Except in this case, that old chemtrail fucker is in charge of the nation’s health. Before? Yeah, he’s a lunatic, but at least he’s just another drunk in a bar, but not anymore. Now that drunk lunatic is in charge of the nation’s health. And he probably thinks Gene Simmons is a musical genius. Hey, cut the Demon some slack. He did write the lyrics, “Oh babe, I wanna put my log in your fireplace.” Anyway…

Dear Planet Earth, do not listen to us. We have been taken over by maniacs, and our nation has purchased over 50 million Kiss albums. Listen to England, Japan, Australia, France, Germany, or one of those Scandinavian countries where all the women are blonde and everyone’s happy. Finland was smart enough not to listen to Trump when he told them that raking forests prevents fires. See? We’re led by lunatics. On Saturday, we’re having a parade for one of them. Help! HELP! Even Beth doesn’t hear us calling.

When asked last week at a town hall about chemtrails, RFK Jr. said, “It’s done, we think, by DARPA [Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency]. And a lot of it now is coming out of the jet fuel—so those materials are put in jet fuel. I’m going to do everything in my power to stop it. We’re bringing on somebody who’s going to think only about that, find out who’s doing it, and holding them accountable.”

Ya know, maybe he was that old drunk guy at the bar.

RFK Jr. says he’s going to stop chemtrails, but good news. It’s already stopped because it never started. The rest of your afternoon is clear, RFK Jr. Go take another dip in Rock Creek.

But then again, if there are mind-controlling chemicals in the contrails of planes, it would explain so much. It would explain why so many people are zombie lemmings for Donald Trump and believe everything he says. Immigrants are cats and dogs? Sure. There were airports in the American Revolution. OK. There are invisible planes? Alright, then. My only question is: Are they part of the chemtrail conspiracy?

It would explain why so many people voted for him. It would explain why so many people can’t see the crazy. It would explain why I have “Dr. Love” stuck in my head right now. I’d rather have the duck than this earworm.

I’ve always believed the chemtrail shit was one of the most stupidest and dumbest of all the conspiracy theories, but I may have to reconsider. But I am a man of logic and reason. I’ve always believed in science and evidence. So before I can believe in chemtrails, I need to consult with my friends who are much more informed than I am…

The deep state lizard people. I may have to take them out for dinner first. Can someone loan me a baby? Maybe I can get one from Gene Simmons, who’s probably made a lot of them.

Creative note: After creating an unfunny cartoon yesterday, I had to go to humor for today.

Music note: I listened to the Beach Boys. A friend told me today that she was watching Fox News and one of their dummies said something to the effect of, “I’m going to miss Brian Wilson so much. I’ll never forget the song Kokomo.”

Brian Wilson didn’t just not write Kokomo, he wasn’t on the recording, and when he heard it for the first time while riding in a car, he didn’t recognize it as a Beach Boys song. But then again, he probably didn’t recognize a lot during that period.

Also, the only Kokomo I’m aware of that exists is in Indiana (where a lot of my family lives), and you can trust me that nobody’s writing happy cocktail songs about that place, though they do drink a lot of cocktails in Kokomo, Indiana.

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