Blame Nessie

Jeanine Pirro's "tremendous evidence" has turned into tremendous bullshit

In 1985, Sol Wachtler, the Chief Judge of the New York Court of Appeals, said, “Any good prosecutor can get a grand jury to indict a ham sandwich.” He said this because grand jury proceedings are entirely one-sided, controlled completely by prosecutors who present only their own evidence without the defense present. If you are accused of a crime, neither you nor your lawyer are part of the grand jury proceedings. So if a good prosecutor can indict a ham sandwich, then I suppose a bad one can indict an innocent Olympian for vandalizing the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool without any evidence.

After it became obvious to everyone in the world who has eyeballs that the company that received the no-bid contract to renovate the Reflecting Pool had botched the job, Donald Trump claimed that it was vandalized by people with knives.

U.S. Attorney for Washington, DC and former Fox News host Jeanine Pirro had indicted David Hearn, a former Olympic canoeist, who was passing by the pool when he picked up chips of paint that had floated up from the lining.

At a news conference to announce Hearn’s indictment on July 2, Pirro said that she had “tremendous evidence” that Hearn had committed a felony, and said he faced up to 10 years in prison.

She repeated this claim on Jesse Watters' program on Fox News, and that there were multiple witnesses. She and Jesse were ecstatic and giggly about sending Hearn to prison for a very long time based on these claims that we now know are bullshit.

On Friday, federal prosecutors said that contractors hired by the Trump regime had botched the renovation of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, leaving behind “widespread damage” in the pool’s new blue lining, and that the Interior Department had then falsely blamed that damage on vandals.

Pirro directly contradicted Trump’s repeated claim that the Reflecting Pool’s peeling liner was caused by people slashing its coating with knives. Instead, she said, “the damage was the result of a botched installation and not vandalism.”

Yesterday, Trump posted to Truth Social, “I disagree 100% with Jeanine Pirro, the U.S. Attorney for the District of Columbia, on the Reflecting Pool. I don’t know what she was thinking? To me, it was a pure case of VANDALISM, that included the grass, which had a big 86 47 emblazoned in giant letters on it, and other elements of the surrounding area. There may have been some contractor difficulty, but the major damage was caused by VANDALS! President DJT”

Political junkies all across the country have betting pools on what time Pirro will be fired tomorrow. I have 10 AM.

Jeanine Pirro should be fired. She should be fired for lying to a grand jury, weaponizing the Justice Department, and bringing false charges against David Hearn. She should be fired for trying to ruin his life. But Trump's not gonna fire her for any of those reasons, and instead will fire her because she publicly disagreed with him. If she were a dude, she would have a better chance to keep her job. Case in point: Pete Hegseth is still Secretary of Defense despite losing a war against Iran, and RFK Jr still Health Secretary despite giving America measles and explosive diarrhea.

This Department of Justice has brought bullshit charges that have been laughed out of court against James Comey, Letitia James, the DC sandwich thrower, and David Hearn. Soon, we will add the DOJ's seashell case against Comey to the list. After so many failed attempts to indict Trump's political enemies, you would think that the DOJ would want to save itself from embarrassment and have actual evidence before indicting someone.

When the DOJ announced they were dismissing the charges against Hearn, they did it late on a Friday afternoon, so the media was not able to get comments from the DOJ, the Interior Department, or Pirro. They hope that everyone will forget this situation and move on by Monday morning.

Fox News, for its part, has given little coverage to this news. We haven't heard a peep about it from Jesse Watters, who should be apologizing to Hearn.

For that matter, Jeanine Pirro should have apologized to David Hearn when she announced she was dismissing charges. Maybe she’ll apologize when she’s sued. Mr. Hearn, I encourage you to sue Fox News as well. It's just too bad that Trump can't be sued for this because they'll just cite it as part of his presidential duty and claim he has immunity.

But Jeanine Pirro's “tremendous evidence” turned out to be tremendous bullshit. The thing is, most of us already knew this.

Tell me this, Jeanine: how did a political cartoonist without any legal education understand that this case was total and complete bullshit, yet you, a former judge and prosecutor, did not?

Creative note: I have always despised Jeanine Pirro. She's always scouring and casting aspersions with rightful indignation. She has a very mournful-looking face that I wanted to capture in a caricature. I actually woke up this morning thinking I'm gonna nail that ugly face. I thought I was going to have trouble with it, but it really only took one attempt. The uglier someone is, the easier it is to draw them.

I'm glad I drew her today because I'm not gonna have a lot of opportunities after tomorrow.

Drawn in 30 seconds:

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