Barron's Daddy

Melania's surprise statement that came out of nowhere raises new questions

Melania Trump came out of nowhere yesterday to deliver a 6-minute address to let us know that she never had a relationship with Jeffrey Epstein. OK, did somebody ask?

Delivering scripted remarks at a podium in the same room Donald Trump used to address the nation on the war in Iran last week, Melania declared that she “never had a relationship” with, or was ever one of the victims of the late pedophile Epstein she also claimed she never had a relationship with Epstein accomplice Ghislaine Maxwell, despite there being an email between the two where Melania signed it with “love.”

“I have never been friends with Epstein,” she said in her statement. “I am not Epstein’s victim. Epstein did not introduce me to Donald Trump.”

She went on to say that she and Donald were invited to the same parties as Epstein “from time to time” as “overlapping in social circles is common in New York City and Palm Beach”. But she specifically denied that her emails to Maxwell were anything more than “casual correspondence.”

Melania claimed that she met Epstein for the first time in 2000, at a party she attended with Donald. “I had never met Epstein and had no knowledge of his criminal undertakings,” she said. “Numerous fake images and statements about Epstein and me have been calculating (sic) on social media for years now. Be cautious about what you believe.”

The Epstein files released by the Department of Justice earlier this year did contain one brief exchange that appeared to be between Melania and Maxwell. It was signed: “Love, Melania.”

The first email, sent by Melania in October, 2002, with the subject line “HI!” begins “Dear G!” Melania writes that there is a “nice story about JE in NY mag” before asking Maxwell about their travels and to call them when they are back in New York.

In her reply, “G. Max” wrote that while they are already on their way back to the city, they would not have time to see Melania, but they would “try and call.”

Melania and Ghislaine were photographed together a little over two weeks later. Two months later, Epstein was presented with the infamous birthday card containing a drawing of a naked woman and a weird note by Donald Trump. But remember, they're all just casual acquaintances.

Then, Melania called on Congress to take sworn testimony in a public hearing from Epstein victims…probably just so long that they don't compel her to testify. They forced Hillary Clinton to testify, who never met Jeffrey Epstein or Maxwell, and congressional Republicans are not going to force former Attorney General Pam Bondi to testify, but sure, let's hear from all the victims whose names Bondi left unredacted, while leaving Melania alone.

So what spurred Melania to make this public announcement from the White House when Donald Trump is trying to distract all of us from the Epstein files? What was the point of starting a war with Iran to distract us from the Epstein files if Melania was just going to turn our attention right back to them a month later?

Trump even said that he didn't know this announcement was going to happen, and it took him by surprise, like Kristi Noem’s husband with helium-filled balloon titties.

What happened? Did Barron ask, “Who's my daddy?” Did Barron ask why there were so many photos of his mother and father with a pedophile? Did Barron eventually come around to asking why there are so many nude photos of his mommy on the internet? Did Barron ask about his father's claim that you are allowed to grab women by the pussy as long as you are famous? Maybe Barron’s follow-up question was, "Mom, am I famous?”

Maybe Melania was inspired to make the address because a new poll by CNN found that she is the least popular first lady since they started taking polls on them. CNN’s poll has her 12 points underwater, meaning unfavorable views now outpace favorable ones by double digits. I guess the Melania movie on Amazon didn't help move her numbers in the right direction.

During the address, Melania did make time to plug her book, also titled “Melania.” Be careful out there because one of your liberal friends with MAGA family members may regift a copy of this book to you. That thing could get more miles than a fruitcake.

Creative note: My first idea on the subject had Melania denying any relationship with Donald Trump, but shortly after I wrote that idea, I was beaten to it by Andy Borowitz. Since then, just a few hours ago, I've seen at least one other cartoon with the same idea, which means there will be more.

One reader on Facebook called me a dick for this cartoon. I'm sure I will receive a few more like that. I really don't mind that insult for this cartoon, and I think it’s a fair opinion. But, I don't feel bad about picking on Barron because he's 20 years old, a legal adult, and he's already going for the greasy sleazeball look worn by his sleazeball older brothers.

Drawn in 30 seconds:

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