Vanilla 250

A washed-up musician singing for a washed-up president.

When artists were invited to participate in what's being called the Great American State Fair, they were promised that it was not political or partisan. And proving that point, Donald Trump will be kicking it off.

The Great American State Fair is described as a birthday bash to celebrate America's 250th anniversary, and it will include a series of concerts on the National Mall from June 24 to July 10.

After several artists dropped out, including Morris Day and the Time, Young MC, the Commodores, Martina McBride and Bret Michaels, Trump took to Truth Social and said, "I understand Artists are getting 'the yips' having to do with their performance ... so I am thinking about bringing the Number One Attraction anywhere in the World, the man who gets much larger audiences than Elvis in his prime, and he does so without a guitar, the man who loves our Country more than anyone else, and the man who some say is the Greatest President in History (THE GOAT!), DONALD J. TRUMP, to take the place of these highly paid, Third Rate 'Artists,' and give a major speech, rallying the Country forward like I have done ever since being President!"

The “yips” is what Trump has when he TACOs out or something.

He continued, “Two years ago, the United States was DEAD. Now we have the ‘HOTTEST’ Country anywhere in the World. I don’t want so-called ‘Artists’ that get paid far too much money, who aren’t happy. I only want to be surrounded by Happy People, Smart People, Successful People, and People that know how to WIN. So, by copy of this TRUTH, I am ordering my Representatives to look at the feasibility of doing an AMERICA IS BACK Rally on Wednesday, Washington, D.C., same time, same location. Only Great Patriots invited — It will be a Wild and Beautiful Celebration of America!”

If these artists are third-rate, then why did Donald Trump invite them in the first place? And if anyone's going to rally the country, it's not going to be the most divisive man on the planet who is currently polling the low 30s.

Some acts still scheduled to perform are lip-syncer Fab Morvan of Milli Vanilli, C+C Music Factory rapper Freedom Williams, Flo Rida, and Vanilla Ice. If Morris Day and the Time are third-rate, then what is Vanilla Ice, who only had one hit, which was a rip-off of a Queen song?

Some of the artists could not get away from this event fast enough, as if it were a gig on a cruise ship with hentavirus. Morris Day and the Time denied “rumors” that they would be playing at the event. Day posted to Instagram, “Morris Day & the Time will not be performing at the ‘Great American State Fair.’” In the caption, he added: “It’s A No For Me.”

Young Miko, the “Bust a Move” rapper, told VIBE on Thursday, “I had no clue it was considered a ‘Trump-backed’ event, so that was new to me. My whole thing was ‘tell me what the event is, what it’s about, who you are, and then give me the choice of whether I want to do the event or not.’ I was never given that choice. I was told one thing, and then it was a bait-and-switch. All the comments I’ve seen from the artists that have dropped out thought it was supposed to be a regular show in D.C.”

William King of the Commodores told Rolling Stone magazine, “Our music has always been our voice, and we choose not to publicly affiliate with any single political party.” The band said in a statement on Instagram, “We support the betterment of all Americans.”

Martina McBride posted on social media to “clear the air, I will not be performing at the Great American State Fair on June 25th.” She said that while she was “presented with an opportunity to perform at a nonpartisan event,” the supposed show “turned out to be misleading.”

Bret Michaels said, “When this opportunity was originally presented to my team, it was described as a celebration of our country through music and a chance to honor our veterans, active military, first responders, teachers, and hardworking Americans from all walks of life.” He said the show “evolved into something much more divisive than what I agreed to be a part of.” Every Trump rally has its thorn.

Michaels believes this event is too embarrassing to be a part of, and he was in Poison.

Even though Fab Morvan will be performing at the event, the group called Real Milli Vanilli will not, which is confusing. OK, since the other guy is dead, who's in Real Millie Vanilli? Maybe Fab and Robert Van Winkle can perform together and call it Milli Vanilli Ice.

The situation with C+C Music Factory is even more confusing, as Freedom Williams of the band posted a video of himself saying, “I don’t give a fuck about Trump. I don’t give a fuck about Trump’s family. I know the type of fucking anarchy he creates. But the day I let you motherfuckers tell me what to do is the day I die.”

He continued with a lengthy rant that covered Barack Obama (who “never did shit for you”) and Trump’s immigration crackdown (“damn near Nazism”), among other issues. He said he had considered dropping out of the National Mall show as backlash grew, but ultimately decided he wouldn’t cave to critics. “I don’t give a fuck about Trump. But I also don’t give a fuck about you, either,” he said.

He recorded the video while he was sitting on a toilet. Posting to social media while sitting on a toilet is at least one thing Williams has in common with Donald Trump.

Robert Clivillés, one of the Music Factory’s namesake Cs, said he couldn’t back Williams’ screed in an Instagram post, and said to Rolling Stone, “Any political, ideological, religious, or personal viewpoints expressed by Freedom Williams are his own and should not be interpreted as reflecting my views, the views of David Cole’s estate, or the views of the original creators and producers behind C+C Music Factory.”

Despite the event kicking off with the Trump rally, Freedom 250 still claims it will not be political. That is another claim that might as well have been made while sitting on a toilet. This will be a shitty event all around. Girl, you know it's true.

Drawn in 30 seconds:

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