Trumping Travis and Taylor

Here comes the bribe

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are now engaged. Are you as excited as I am? Squeeeee!!!

Donald Trump congratulated them, even after claiming she was “disloyal” to him for endorsing Kamala Harris last year, and saying she was “no longer hot.”

Earlier this month, after the White National American Eagle commercial featuring Sydney Sweeney’s cleavage, Trump praised Sweeney, “a registered Republican,” on ShitSocial, and said American Eagle had “the ‘HOTTEST’ ad out there.” He went on to criticize other companies (this was before the Cracker Barrel hoobla) for going “woke,” which he claimed was bad for business, before offering Swift as an example.

“Just look at Woke singer Taylor Swift. Ever since I alerted the world as to what she was by saying on TRUTH that I can’t stand her (HATE!). She was booed out of the Super Bowl and became NO LONGER HOT. The tide has seriously turned — Being WOKE is for losers, being Republican is what you want to be. Thank you for your attention to this matter!”

Yes, that’s what we’re waiting for, the president (sic) to tell us who’s hot and who’s not. Remember when George H. W. Bush assured us that Estelle Getty “knew how to shake it,” and Ronald Reagan told us Bea Arthur was almost as hot as “Mommy?” You don’t remember that? Probably because I made it up because presidents don’t tell us who’s hot and not, except for JFK and Clinton, and Clinton’s choices were a tad dubious (Juanita Broaddrick, ew…and that’s not based on her looks). And who needs a president to tell America that Marilyn Monroe was hot?

Taylor may have been booed at the Super Bowl by Eagles fans, but she’s the biggest star in the world, having just completed the largest money-making tour in world history, and now with an upcoming album that will debut at number one on the charts. Trump was also booed at the Super Bowl, which he had no business attending. He also jinxed the Chiefs, Travis’ team, as that was the one he was pulling for. And speaking of who’s no longer hot, Trump’s approval rating is lower than the approval rating for Herpes.

Just after the announcement, Trump was in a cabinet meeting, and a break was taken from everyone kissing his ass (it allowed JD to reload on chapstick, which he found in the couch cushions) so he could congratulate the happy couple. Trump said, “I wish them a lot of luck. I think he’s a great player, I think he’s a great guy, and I think that she’s a terrific person, so I wish them a lot of luck.”

He must want something.

Anyhoobies, it’s 10 p.m. now on the East Coast, and I want to quit for the day and watch some of the BBQ cookoff show I found on Netflix. But I do have a wedding gift for Taylor and Travis (who’s probably about to sign a huge prenup). My gift is advice: if you receive a call from an unknown number with a Washington DC area code (202), let it go to voicemail.

You’re getting two blogs tomorrow, one for the FXBG cartoon, and one for the regular daily cartoon.

Corrections: Please email all typos, boo-boos, and any other mistakes to clayjonz@gmail.com. If you put it in the comments, I may not see it until hours or days later. Thanks.

Creative note: I needed eight layers in Procreate for this cartoon. I’m starting to have a lot of fun with Stephen Miller, which nobody has said ever…except maybe Nazis. No one can goosestep better.

I was in a rush today because I had to draw two cartoons, and had a self-imposed deadline of 8:30 p.m., because that was when my fantasy football league was holding its draft.

Music note: I listened to Tonic and Godsmack. Yeah, that’s a poor combo.

Drawn in 30 seconds:

Timelapse:

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