Trump Wins!

Trump wins another golf tournament while the world burns

Donald Trump spent the weekend in his “billionaire bubble,” as Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer likes to say (he’s not always ridiculous), avoiding the stock market crash he created with his stupid tariffs, a ceremony honoring four soldiers who died in a training accident in Lithuania (which Trump couldn’t find on a map), and hundreds of thousands of Americans in every state protesting his administration.

Sometimes you want to get away, but Trump didn’t take Southwest. He took Air Force One (sic) to South Florida to play golf…again. So far, taxpayers have spent $26 million for Trump to play golf since his inauguration (sic). He’s on track to surpass the $151.5 million we paid for him to play golf during his first term (sic).

Naturally, Trump played on a course he owns so he can collect the money the government spends for him to play golf there. He also made an appearance at a LIV tournament hosted at one of his resorts, which was paid for by Saudi Arabia. Remember when Republicans accused Biden of collecting money from foreign governments without any proof? How many howled this weekend about Trump doing business with the Saudis? Too many to count, right? That was sarcasm.

Trump also played in a tournament, which he said he won. The White House announced with “BREAKING,” that he won the Senior Club Championship at his Trump National Golf Club in Jupiter.

When asked by a reporter how the tournament went, Trump said, “Very good because I won. It’s good to win. You heard I won, right? Did you hear I won? Just to back it up from there, I won. I like to win.” He was then asked about his handicap, which was clearly displayed when he said “he won” 17 times.

Trump did answer, “Very low. I have a very low handicap.” OK, maybe he didn’t answer. This is like in the film Rain Man, when Raymond Babbitt says, “I’m an excellent driver,” which had only been done in his driveway, much like Trump being a good golfer only on his courses. This win is as suspicious as The Grinch winning the Who’s Christmas Cheer Award.

This golf win is amazing because it’s Trump’s third win this year. That’s three tournament wins within four months. Trump is on golf fire because he won two tournaments last year, and he didn’t even play the first round in one of those. He won two other tournaments two years ago. Of course, all these wins were on his golf courses. He’s not just winning tournaments as he was also voted the 2024 Trump International Golf Club Most Improved Player. He’s 78 years old, and he’s improving?

That would be like me winning the Clay Jones 2024 Most Awesome Cartoonist in the World award. I could probably say something like Trump did: “Such a great honor!”

What’s weird about all these tournament wins is that there are never any videos of them. Even the photo Laura Loomer posted on Twitter/X, to suck up to Trump, was taken from a long distance, meaning an amateur took it because they wouldn’t allow a real photojournalist near the “tournament.”

Even those palm trees had to sign an NDA. Why didn’t they just take the photo from the International Space Station?

Rick Reilly, the author of Commander In Cheat, tweeted in all caps after a Trump tournament win last month, “REALLY? THAT’S AMAZING, SIR! CONGRATS TO YOU, THE CADDIES WHO KICK YOUR BALL OUT OF THE ROUGH, THE STOOLIES WHO LET YOU WIN OR GET THROWN OUT OF THE CLUB, THE SPINELESS PRO AT YOUR CLUB WHO DOESN’T WANT TO GET FIRED, AND THE 100S OF FEET OF GIMMIES YOU GIVE YOURSELF! BRAVO!

After that “win,” Reilly said, “He’s never won a championship at a course he doesn’t own and operate. He’s played in Pebble Beach. He’s played in the Tahoe one, where there are rules and judges and cameras. And in those, he’s never finished in the top half. So, he wins when anybody who disagrees that he won is out of the club. That’s how he gets it.”

Reilly also said that Trump has a “turbo-charged golf cart” so he can get ahead of the competition and put some distance between him and his opponents, giving him “time to cheat.”

Think about it. Other golfers who share Trump’s politics see the president of the United States (sic) kicking the ball on a course he owns and then winning the tournament aren’t going to call him out. Trump once stole a child’s golf ball, and when the kid tried to speak up, his father silenced him. For Republicans, it’s OK if Trump steals little boys’ balls.

After Trump’s win in January, Shark Tank host and Trump sycophant Kevin O’Leary tweeted the announcement saying Trump won with a “sizzling” round of 68, later saying, “It was a great day.” Except when Trump’s name was posted at the top of the leaderboard, all the players and attendees were taken by surprise because nobody had seen Trump that day. How “sizzling” is it to win a tournament you didn’t play in? How fast is that golf cart?

The point of all this is just how petty Trump is and that it’s supported and enabled by his cult and staff. The White House and Laura Loomer are sending him congratulations like these things are real. Is there someone assigned to applaud every morning when he successfully puts his pants on all by himself? I’m surprised the White House doesn’t announce, “BREAKING!” every time he wipes his own ass (does he?). His golf “wins” are about as transparent as DOGE. There’s as much evidence of Trump’s tournament “wins” as there's evidence of 200-year-olds collecting Social Security.

The other point is how obtuse and out of touch he is with the country. While the economy is tanking and people are protesting in every city and soldiers are being buried, he’s kissing Saudi ass and pretending to play golf.

Trump’s golf resorts need fewer bed bugs and more alligators.

Creative note: I’ve seen way too many cartoons with the graph arrow-thingy being Trump’s tie. Just be glad I didn’t do a mind-if-I-play-through cartoon.

Music note: I didn’t listen to any music today, but did I mention I lost my Airpods in Washington? I’m still bummed about it.

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