Trump Visits Springfield

My apologies to everyone who's never watched The Simpsons

Donald Trump says he’s going to visit Springfield, Ohio in about two weeks. The two-week thing also means he may never visit Springfield. And if Springfield is lucky, he won’t.

Remember when Donald Trump visited Palestine, Ohio after a toxic spill resulted from a train crash? Remember how he solved that problem? No? Well, he did bring a pallet of water (with the labels removed and replaced with Trump’s name) to the community and promised to send more. Hmmm…I never did hear if he sent more.

But why does Trump want to visit Springfield, a city in a red state locked up for Trump that’s represented in the Senate by his dolphin porn-searching running mate? There’s very little danger Trump could lose Ohio, even if he endorsed a porn-addicted Black Nazi who once referred to Martin Luther King Jr as Martin Lucifer Coon. Ohio is pretty safe for Trump.

Ohio is also safe for cats and dogs as nobody’s eating them. There’s a higher likelihood of Mark Robison bumping into JD Vance on a porn site than there is of Haitian immigrants eating dogs and cats. Women wanting control over their own healthcare are in greater danger in Ohio than cats and dogs are of being eaten by Haitian immigrants.

The reason Trump is going to Springfield is the same reason he went to Palestine, to politicize it.

Trump had no answers for the train derailment in Palestine. If anything, the policies from his first term (and hopefully only term) make more train derailments likely. Trump cares more about the billionaire assholes who own railroads than he cares about the people who work for railroads or the citizens who have to live in toxic environments thanks to railroads. Choo-choo, Trump.

Trump, like Mr. Monopoly, has several get-out-of-jail-free cards.

JD Vance heard from a person in Springfield that Haitian immigrants were eating pets. Without doing any research, he shared that “information” with Laura Loomer, a racist MAGAt who’s also a victim of failed cosmetic surgeries, got hold of that “information” and while flying with Trump on his private jet, gave it to him…the information, not Chlamydia…as far as we know…well, maybe.

Then, Orange Grandpa went to the debate with Vice President Kamala Harris and repeated the lie that “illegal” Haitian immigrants were eating house pets in Springfield, Ohio. He then claimed he saw it on TV…probably the same TV on which he saw thousands of New Jersey Muslims celebrating 9/11 which was probably situated underneath a plaque he won for being Michigan Man of the Year.

Trump and JD pushed this lie despite the fact that there were no facts to support it. Later, the first person who made the claim retracted it. Now, there’s nobody who can confirm that pets are being eaten by Haitian immigrants, who are in this nation legally.

After a lunatic was caught in Trump’s bushes with a gun, Trump and JD howled that Democrats need to stop hateful rhetoric that incites bad people to do bad things. But Trump and JD still push rhetoric that’s inciting bomb threats in Springfield, which I don’t understand. What’s the threat? Kick out all the Haitians or your school goes boom? You would think MAGAts would demand the school stop teaching evolution.

When two Georgia election workers who are mother and daughter, and just so happen to be Black, were receiving death threats and being stalked to the point they couldn’t leave their homes because of lies told by Trump and Rudy Giuliani about them stealing the 2020 election, Donald Trump allowed the harassment to continue. He never condemned the way the women were being treated. He never called off the goons.

After Donald Trump vilified the FBI for doing their job when they served a search warrant on MAGA-Lardo, a gunman attacked an FBI office in Cincinnati (also in Ohio). Trump never called off the goons or condemned the attack. He still continues to vilify the FBI.

Trump’s rhetoric is also responsible for the white nationalist insurrection on January 6, 2021. Trump spent hours on his big fat orange ass before he called off the attack.

Now, he says he’s going to Springfield. Why? Is he personally going to round up every Haitian immigrant in the city? Is he going to save all the cats and dogs? No. Trump wouldn’t pet a dog even if it were covered in KFC chicken grease and Big Mac’s Secret Sauce (It’s Thousand Island salad dressing). Trump is just going to stand in the center of the city and bark about “bad” immigrants. He’s going to create an even more hostile atmosphere because that’s what Trump does and he won’t be satisfied until a bomb does go off in Springfield.

Creative note: If you don’t get this cartoon, don’t worry. It’s not you, it’s me. You’re probably just not as “special” as I am. But since I draw seven cartoons a week, you can notch this one up as a bad one and wait and see if tomorrow’s cartoon is better.

This is a reference to The Simpsons. In fact, it’s referring to a specific episode that aired in 1995. It’s episode 20 in season six. The Simpson’s greyhound (dog, not a bus) connects with a female greyhound and they have puppies….a LOT Of puppies. The episode is titled Two Dozen and One Greyhounds and is a parody of Disney’s One Hundred and One Dalmatians.

Mr. Burns steals all 25 of the puppies because he wants to use their skin to make a greyhound tuxedo (at least it’s not like one of Mark Robison’s fetishes), and he reveals this evil plot in a song and dance (click it. You’ll thank me later) titled See my Vest? which is a parody of Be Our Guest from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. The vest is made from “real gorilla chest” as Mr. Burns has an entire wardrobe made from animals, such as white slippers made from “albino African endangered rhino,” a sweater made from “authentic Irish Setter,” a hat made from a cat, grizzly bear underwear, and loafers that are “former gophers.”

The Simpsons live in Springfield although we don’t now which Springfield. Maybe it’s Springfield, Ohio but there’s also Springfield, Illinois, Springfield, Massachusetts, Springfield, Missouri, Springfield, Michigan, Springfield, California, Springfield, Arkansas, Springfield, Colorado, Springfield, Florida, Springfield, Oregon, etc, etc… In The Simpsons Movie, Ned Flanders says Springfield is bordered by Nevada, Maine, Ohio, and Kentucky (work that one out). But if Donald Trump lands in Springfield, and not the ones in Louisiana, Georgia, New Jersey, or Minnesota, it won’t be to save cats and dogs. If anything, he’s on the same evil side as heartless billionaire Mr. Burns and is more likely to wear a vest made from real gorilla chest than save any greyhounds.

I need to go back and re-watch the first ten seasons…not all 35.

Music note: I listened to the Dead Weather.

Drawn in 30 seconds:

Timelapse with a voiceover:

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