Trump Guitar

All of Trump's nominees come from low sleazy ass places

Now I’m pissed.

Trump’s latest grift is personal to me. Sure, the NFTs, sneakers, Trump stock, and Swiss watches piss me off too, but the Trump-branded guitars REALLY piss me off. Not only does it piss me off because we have a president-elect (sic) grifting this nation, but now he’s trying to rip off guitar players. I’m a guitar player.

I’m a guitar geek. I own several, most of which were bought when I had a job over a decade ago. I watch videos and read reviews, go to the sites that sell them to look up their specifications, and talk to other guitar geeks about guitars, and most of these are for guitars I never intend to own. I like to know everything I can about them. I’m probably in about ten Facebook groups about guitars and amplifiers. I even have more than one amplifier.

So now, Trump is grifting with my passion. But here’s the twist, kids: These guitars aren’t made for guitar players…unless those guitar players are MAGAts and don’t care that their cult leader is gifting them. How do I know it’s a grift? Pfft. I know. Let me explain.

The Trump Guitars come in four series. There’s a “God Bless the USA” acoustic series that’s $1,000. There’s the American Eagle series (there’s an eagle on the front) and the starting price for the acoustic version is $1,250 while the electric starts at $1,500. the “Presidential is all election and starts at $1,500. The “signature” edition (shithead signs it) starts at $10,250 for the acoustic and $11,250 for the electric. A guitar that costs over $11,000 should be the Holy Grail of guitars.

If you order the $1,500 “Presidential” series, you won’t receive the guitar for five to six months.

I don’t have an issue with someone selling guitars who doesn’t know how to play guitar. Leo Fender was never a guitar player, but he knew them. He knew the business and he knew the business. He knew how to make a guitar and he invented several like the Telecaster, Stratocaster, Jazzmaster, Jaguar, and even the P-bass. He knew his shit and even started a second guitar company (G&L). Trump doesn’t know jack shit about guitars. He’s only putting his name on them, not his heart and soul like Leo.

Usually, when a guitar comes with that high price, you won’t purchase it off the shelf. It will be custom-built for you. You talk to the person who will build the guitar and you get everything you want. Of course, someone who does this will know and understand guitars. The customer will know what he wants. Most of the time, these very expensive custom-built still don’t cost over $11,000. A custom-built guitar made to your specifications can go from $2,500 to $10,000. Do I own one of these? Hell no. I’m not a trust-fund baby. Even if I was, I still wouldn’t buy one of those because you can get an amazing guitar for way less right off the shelf.

My favorite guitar cost me around $900 in 2003. It’s an American-made Fender Telecaster and it’s the best guitar in the world. I’m not saying the Telecaster is the best guitar in the world, I’m saying MY Telecaster is the best guitar in the world. Fight me. There’s nothing I would change about this guitar except maybe the color. I don’t like red guitars that much but this guitar is so good, I bought it despite the red. I even own a red Stratocaster…and I don’t like red. The Strat is also an American I got at Mars Music when it was going of business in Springfield, Virginia for $500. It was the last Strat they had that wasn’t beat up. Of course, now it’s beat up.

The thing is, I got to hold and play these guitars when I bought them. With Trump’s very expensive guitars, all you get to do before you buy it is see its photo online. There’s nothing wrong with buying a guitar online before you play it, but you’re taking a risk. I bought my Taylor 214CE in 2020 online, but I could return it if there was a problem. When you buy a guitar from Sweetwater, you get an individual who calls to talk to you about your guitar before it’s shipped. Sweetwater will send you photos of YOUR guitar, not stock photos. If you buy a preowned or one with defects and get a discount, the photos will point out the itty bitty tiny defects. You will NOT get that service from MAGA guitars. You just see a photo of an ugly guitar with an eagle on the top and a “45” on the headstock. It also says “Make America Great Again” on the fretboard. Even Pete Townsend never abused a guitar this much.

But the real ripoff of the MAGA guitar is that you don’t know the guitar before you buy it and may not get to know it after. What am I talking about? I’m talking about the specs.

These guitars are copies of Gibson’s Les Paul, created by the legendary player Les Paul. I’m not upset that these guitars copy the Les Paul because a lot of other guitar companies have copied the Les Paul, and it’s probably the second most popular guitar after the Fender Stratocaster (which is also copied by a lot of guitar companies).

A Gibson Les Paul Standard will cost you around $3,000 new. There are several versions of the Les Paul, but the Standard is the most popular. When you see a rich rock star with a Les Paul, it’ll be the Standard almost every time. It’s a heavy guitar and it weighs close to ten pounds. At Sweeterwater, they list the exact weight of each guitar. At Trump Guitar, they don’t tell you how much it weighs. that thing could be hollow and full of spider webs for all you know.

A Les Paul has a mahogany body with a maple cap. That means the mahogany body has a slice of maple wood on top of it. A Trump Guitar just has the mahogany, so they claim. For body shape, the Trump guitar just says “solid body,” but it’s an LP shape. I also wouldn’t be surprised if the Trump guitar has just enough mahogany to qualify to say it’s mahogany when it’s mostly plywood.

Gibson doesn’t sell Les Pauls with mystery pickups. The one in the link has what’s called Gibson/Sweetwater Sugarbucker Humbuckers. Other pickups in Les Pauls are 490R, 498Ts, 500T, Burstbuckers, T-type, 57 Classics, Dirty Fingers, etc, etc, but experienced guitar players know or are somewhat familiar with each type, and if they don’t, they can research it. There are forums where geeks like me argue over the most minute details. The Trump guitar comes with MAGA 45 Trumpbuckers. What the fuck is that? You won’t be able to research, at least not until someone buys the thing and posts a review…oh, and they will. I have an Indonesian-made guitar (that’s a copy of a Mosrite/Hi-flier that cost $115 that came with shitty pickups. I replaced the bridge pickup with a used Seymour Duncan JB (one of the best pickups ever made) that a friend sold to me for $30, and cut the wires to the other. I bet that guitar’s original shitty pickups were better than the $11,000 Trump guitar’s pickups.

For body size, the Les Paul in the link has a 12” radius neck, the scale length is 24.75", and the nut width is 1.695". The Trump Guitar just says “39.” The strings on the Les Paul are Gibson .010-.046. The strings on the Trump guitar are MAGAbenders, whatever that is, and the site doesn’t tell you the size of the strings. I’m sure the strings are like Trump steaks in that it’s another brand and they just put Trump’s name on them (there are companies that make strings then sell them to other companies to put their names on them, and then eggheads argue on the internet over which strings are better when they’re the same fucking strings). The material of the Les Paul’s nut (oh, grow up) is GraphTech. The site for Trump’s guitar doesn’t tell you what the nut is made out of but it’s probably plastic. I don’t know what GraphTech is, but at least they tell you.

The Gibson Les Paul in the link has Grover tuners (which many believe are the best) while the Trump guitar doesn’t say what their tuners are. I don’t think the tuners are always that important because I kept the originals on my Indonesian guitar and it stays in tune, but even if I’m spending a thousand bucks on a guitar, or $11,000, I will want to know the brand of the tuners.

Buying a Trump guitar is like buying a hot dog. You don’t know what the hell’s in it, but at least the hot dog is tasty while you’ll never create tasty licks on Trump’s rotten guitar. Maybe you’ll have to put ketchup on it.

What bothers me most of all is that we don’t know where the Trump guitar was made. All Gibsons are made in the USA and that’s what gives the company the excuse to overcharge for their guitars (a Les Paul Standard, as great as it is, isn’t really worth $3,000…but I still want one). They do import guitars from China, but that’s their less expensive brand called Epiphone and they name is on the headstock. They’re not trying to fool anyone. They’re good guitars and are close in quality to their American counterparts. Some people don’t want to spend over $3,000 on a Gibson 335 but will spend $400 to get an Epiphone 335. None of that’s a secret and there are usually stickers on every guitar stating where it was made. The Taylor I mentioned was made in Mexico (which makes it cheaper but still awesome) but the next level up is made in California. By the way, the Gibson 335 has that name because that was the cost when it was first invented in the 1950s, $335.

On the Trump site, it doesn’t say where the guitar was made and there’s only one photo of each guitar. You can’t get a real close-up and they don’t provide photos of the guitar from other angles. This shit is important if you’re buying a guitar. Even people on Reverb who sell used guitars usually post several images. You may find 15 to 30 photos of a used guitar being sold for $200. Trump only gives you one photo of his $11,000. You can’t even tell for sure whether the top is flat or carved (they’re all carved the Les Paul Standard).

None of this will matter to the people who buy these ugly expensive guitars that are probably cheaply made. MAGAts will buy these because Biden’s economy put more money into their wallets so they can purchase stupid shit like this. They won’t play these guitars because they’ll be afraid to scratch them, they don’t know how to play, and they’ll just hang them on their walls to collect dust forever.

I bet the Trump guitars are made in Asia, like in China, Indonesia, or Vietnam. Heck, maybe they’re made in Nambia.

It’s unusual and corrupt for a president to hawk products. George Washington didn’t sell wooden teeth. Lincoln didn’t market his own brand of tall hats. JFK wasn’t selling home pregnancy tests, Reagan wasn’t selling jelly beans. George W. wasn’t hawking pork rinds. Bill Clinton wasn’t selling condoms. Can you imagine the MAGA outrage if Joe Biden sold his own brand of ice cream or aviators?

Selling products like this is another opportunity to bribe Trump. Don’t be surprised if all the $11,000 guitars are purchased by CEOs of corporations bidding on government products. Don’t be surprised if a Saudi Prince doesn’t purchase a bunch. Don’t be shocked if Elon buys them all and posts them on X/Twitter.

I’m sure that most of the people who buy these shitty guitars will never have to say “I got blisters on me fingers,” but they may develop callouses on their lips from kissing Trump’s ass.

I told you I was a geek.

Update: These guitars are NOT made in the United States despite having “make America great again” emblazoned on the fretboard which is like his shitty red caps being made in Chin. But what’s possibly more disturbing is that these guitars have a bolt-on neck. What’s wrong with that? Nothing…if it’s a Fender. But Gibson Les Pauls have glued in necks which is partly how you get that thick tone. Think of Slash, Billy Gibbons, Dave Grohl, Ace Frehley, Jimmy Page, Randy Rhoads, Joan Jett, Tom Scholz, Neil Schon, George Thorogood, Zakk Wylde, Angus Young, etc, etc. The Trump guitar is copying the Les Paul, but cheaply. This guitar is a fraud. And it costs too much, especially for a guitar made in Asia.

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