TACO Daddy

An open letter to Republicans and MAGAts

Dear Republicans and MAGAts,

This whole “Daddy” thing regarding Donald Trump…it’s weird. It’s not weird as in we disagree with it or because there are better nicknames for Trump, and there are, like Hair Fuhrer, Donny Dementia, Toupe'd Fucktrumpet, Mango Mussolini, Diaper Don, Trumplethinskin, Rug-Wearing Thundernugget, Tiny-Finger Vulgarian, Sweet Potato Hitler, Cheeto Benito, Dumb Donald, The Lyin’ King, Don the Con, Fuck Boi Von Clownface, Tangerine Toddler, Cheetolini, Tiny, and T.A.C.O (Trump Always Chickens Out). Feel free to use any of these at your next cross-burning.

No, it’s weird because it’s fucking weird. It’s weird, as in it’s sexually weird. It’s gross. It’s icky. It’s icky and gross like the bathrooms on Amtrak.

Remember during the presidential race, when you were labeled the weird party? You were weird all along but the “weird” label emerged when you added the couch fucker to the campaign. And then all you idiots started wearing bandages on your ears. Now, calling Trump your daddy doesn’t help diffuse the weird thing. You are all weird. It also adds to the cult thing.

I believe we should keep our politics and fetishes separate. If you wanna fuck a dolphin, that’s you, but you can’t lecture anyone about anything else ever again, especially the president of Ukraine. Just sit on the couch and keep your mouth…no! Never mind. Get off the couch. We know about you and couches.

Even though he was a shitty president, America looked up to Ronald Reagan as though he was the nation’s grandfather. It worked because he was very old, accepted that he was old, and gave the impression he was taking care of the nation, even when it was just the White people the old racist was taking care of. But, there was never anything kinky about it.

Grandpas are supposed to be kinda sweet. They might ask you to pull their fingers at times, and might have some different generational opinions about “Indians,” but he usually has a butterscotch in his pocket that you really shouldn’t put in your mouth, but still, he means no harm…mostly. Like you, he doesn’t know he’s racist.

But at least nobody has said “bow-chicka-wow-wow” to someone they call “grandfather.” You guys haven’t, have you?

What’s even weirder about all this is that Trump wants people to call him “Daddy.” Ew, ew, ew, and ew. And it makes his relationship with his two daughters even creepier, especially with the one he wants to “date.” Now, the daddy thing is Trump’s fetish. Are there enough ews for this?

The ironic thing is that Trump was a horrible father. Why would you want him to be your daddy? Do you hate your mom? Why don’t you set your mom up on a blind date with Charlie Sheen? Is Syphilis on the menu?

Trump cheated on the mothers of all his children. Ivana? Yup. Trump cheated on the mother of his first three kids with the future mother of his fourth kid, Marla. And then he cheated on the mother of his fifth kid, Melania, with a porn star, who probably had too much dignity to call Trump “Daddy.” And while he was cheating on wives with future wives, he was out groping and raping. I bet if you check his pockets now, you’ll find Tic Tacs.

So, where did this daddy issue come from?

In 2023, back when Tucker Carlson was still on Fox News before they settled a lawsuit at the cost of $787 million for lying their balls off about the 2020 election being stolen from Trump, John Daly told him that he and fellow golfers “want Daddy Trump back.” I don’t know why Daly called him “Daddy.” He must have issues. He is an alcoholic. Drunks for Trump. Right, Pete?

It gets weirder. Oh, so much weirder. Daly said he’s been calling Donald Trump “Daddy” since 1992. Oh my damn.

Tucker must have taken a cue from Daly, and I think he did it sober. Last October at a Trump hate rally, Tucker compared America to a “hormone-addled 15-year-old daughter” who’s been allowed to “slam the door and give you the finger.”

Tucker told the gaggle of yee-haw fuckers, “There has to be a point at which Dad comes home, and when Dad gets home, you know what he says? ‘You’ve been a bad girl. You’ve been a bad little girl, and you’re getting a vigorous spanking right now.’”

I think what Tucker means by the little girl being bad is that she voted for Joe Biden. And why does the spanking have to be “vigorous?”

What makes this even weirder than the spanking is that Tucker Carlson HATES Donald Trump. During the Fox News lawsuit, it was revealed that Tucker once tweeted to a colleague, “We are very, very close to being able to ignore Trump most nights. I truly can't wait.” And then he added, “I hate him passionately.”

In another text, Tucker referred to the “last four years,” saying, “But come on. There isn’t really an upside to Trump,” which is probably the only thing Tucker Carlson has said that’s true. But flash forward four years, and he’s back calling Donald Trump, “Daddy.” Is this like a hate fuck for him?

Tucker couldn’t be creepier if he did a broadcast while dressed as a French maid with a feather duster.

I know you idiots love White Nationalist TV, but you gotta know that Tucker is lying to you.

Now to my readers, those who are NOT chocolate covered MAGAt bastards with MAGAt cream filling with a Trump Daddy spanking fetish, the reason we’re talking about this Trump Daddy shit again is because Secretary-General of NATO, Mark Rutte, referred to Trump as “Daddy” during this week’s summit. Rutte, while sitting next to Trump, and hopefully not on his lap, was asked about Trump’s F-Bomb over Iran and Israel ignoring the ceasefire he supposedly helped negotiate.

Rutte said, “Daddy has to sometimes use strong language.”

When asked about this yesterday, Trump said, “He likes me. If he doesn’t, I’ll let you know, I’ll come back, and I’ll hit him hard. He did it very affectionately, ‘Daddy, you’re my daddy.’” I hope you had a non-wicker waste basket nearby while reading that last bit.

Rutte, realizing how embarrassing and pathetic that was, tried to backtrack and reclaim some self-dignity, said he did not mean to call Trump “daddy” but rather to liken Trump’s relationship to Europe to that of a father figure. “What I said is that sometimes, in Europe, I hear sometimes countries saying, ‘Hey, Mark, will the U.S. stay with us?’ And I said that sounds a little bit like a small child asking his daddy, ‘Hey, are you still staying with the family?’”

That’s wrong. Europe is White America’s mother.

In this case, “Daddy” might be appropriate. Just as “Daddy” cheated on Ivana, Marla, and Melania, Trump Daddy is cheating on our allies with Vladimir Putin.

Unfortunately for Rutte, it’s too late. The White House has already published a video of the summit with Usher’s song Hey Daddy (Daddy’s Home).

White House Deputy Chief of Staff has tweeted a video of Trump arriving back in the States, stating, “Daddy’s home.” Lauren Boebert has retweeted the video.

Collagen lip-filled racist liar Laura Loomer tweeted, “Trump is the world’s Daddy.”

They’re already selling shirts, which gives them a new merch item to grift with.

If nothing else, Rutte may have played a brilliant hand. Sure, Trump isn’t going to level tougher sanctions on Putin or make any actual effort to end his illegal invasion of Ukraine, but maybe calling him “Daddy” appealed enough to his ego that he won’t dismantle NATO or bomb Denmark to obtain Greenland.

But then again, be careful calling him “Daddy” because that might make him want to give you a spanking.

California note: I’m meeting one of you today. What I mean is that one of you guys, a paid subscriber, lives in the Carlsbad area. We’re going to hang out for a bit.

Yesterday, Danny and I took a drive along the beach and I saw bikinis, surfers, and pelicans.

Creative note: I gotta be honest. This was my first idea on the spanking thing.

Music note: I listened to the Smashing Pumpkins.

Drawn in 30 seconds:

Timelapse:

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