Slapshot
That ship's gonna sink
If they weren’t so pathetic, you might could possibly be sad for some MAGAts. Take Juanita Broaddrick as an example, whose entire national profile is built upon debunked claims she was raped by Bill Clinton in the 1970s and who is now a full-fledged lying MAGAt.
After Canada’s Conservative Party Leader Pierre Poilievre distanced himself from Donald Trump, Broaddrick claimed he would lose the election because Canada loved Trump so much, which didn’t make any sense.
If Canadians loved Trump so much, then why did they just elect Liberal Mark Carney to become their new Prime Minister? That’s like denying Trump’s current favorability numbers. They suck.
There’s also the fact that Trump lost this election for the Conservatives. The Conservatives were ahead by double digits when Trump entered office last January, then he started barking at Canada, waged a tariff war, and repeatedly insulted them by claiming they should be America’s 51st state.
If Donald Trump had kept his mouth shut and had waited at least 100 days for his stupid tariff war, Poilievre would be Prime Minister today.
Yesterday, thanks to Donald Trump, Canadian Liberals won. Trump is now internationally toxic. Everything Trump touches…dies. Super Bowl champion running back Sequon Barkley played golf with Trump a few days ago, and now I expect his knees to give out during the preseason. Trump is poison. I would tell you to ask Elon, but he hasn’t figured it out yet.
Pierre didn’t just lose his race for Prime Minister, he also lost his seat in parliament.
Mark Carney didn’t just deliver an anti-Trump message in his victory speech, but also made comments that could be taken as anti-American. He said, “America wants our land, our resources, our water, our country. These are not idle threats. President Trump is trying to break us so America can own us.” Personally, I just want your poutine and maybe another meeting with the lady bartender who served Lalo and me on our last night in Montreal. She was nice.
Everything Carney said is true, so we can’t blame him for being anti-American when Trump is the American representative to the world, which Trump now says he runs.
Comparing his two terms (sic) during an interview, Trump said, “The first time, I had two things to do — run the country and survive; I had all these crooked guys. And the second time, I run the country and the world.” OK, there, Lord Palpatine.
Carney also said during his victory speech, “Our old relationship with the United States, a relationship based on steadily increasing integration, is over.
"The system of open global trade anchored by the United States, a system that Canada has relied on since the Second World War, a system that, while not perfect, has helped deliver prosperity for a country for decades, is over. These are tragedies, but it's also our new reality.
"We are over the shock of the American betrayal, but we should never forget the lessons."
Today, White House deputy spokesgoon Anna Kelly said, “The election does not affect President Trump's plan to make Canada America's cherished 51st state.”
That is not a friendly message, it’s a threat.
Carney said that scenario was “never, ever going to happen.” He added, “Frankly, I don't think it's ever going to happen with respect to any other [country]... whether it's Panama or Greenland or elsewhere.”
The Prime Minister said that future negotiations with Donald Trump would be “on our terms, not on their terms.”
Give him hell, Mr. Prime Minister.
Update: The Mark/James thing has been corrected. I think I got all of them. Thanks to Matt for sending me a quick correction. He wins five Claytoonz points.
Titanic: I discovered there’s a Titanic museum in Belfast, and I wish I had visited it during my short stay there. I don’t care about the movie (though Kate Winslet is almost as nice as the Montreal bartender), but the real Titanic intrigues me.
Creative note: It was just last night when I decided I should probably do something on the Canadian elections today. I didn’t think of the idea until around noon.
My two concerns with this cartoon are whether people can tell it’s a hockey puck and it represents Canada, and whether readers can identify the pork chop.
Also, this might be the first time (Easter egg spoiler) I have ever drawn a Narwhal.
Honestly, until a few years ago, I thought Narwhals were mythical creatures. You know, like unicorns, dragons, Bigfoots, Nessie, Chupacabras, ethical Republicans, etc, etc.
A reader told me “thwack” sounds like a Don Martin sound effect, which I’m taking as a compliment.
Music note: I was in the mood for Tom Petty.
Drawn in 30 seconds: Do NOT click the audio. Trust me….DO NOT CLICK THE AUDIO!!!! It’s a guaranteed earworm. Fine. Don’t believe me. Click the audio.
Timelapse:
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Hockey puck was my guess...excellent toon and blog.
Yeah, knew right off it was a hockey puck. Now to check the Easter eggs…