Skreeky DOGE

Governor Youngkin is looking out for you, or is it coming after you?

This cartoon was drawn for the FXBG Advance.

Virginia is one the states being hit the hardest by the DOGE cuts, you know…Elon’s Department of Government Efficiency, which isn’t an official department.

Virginia has more federal employees than any other state except California, which has maybe around 2,000 more. In case you suck at geography, Virginia borders Washington, DC. Virginia, along with Maryland, donated land to form DC…and then took it back many years later. But a lot of federal workers live in NoVA (Northern Virginia) because as expensive as it is there, it’s even more expensive in DC.

It’s cheaper to live in Fairfax, Arlington, Falls Church, Manassas, and even Fredericksburg for federal workers. People in Fredericksburg don’t like to admit they’re a part of Northern Virginia, and there are arguments for and against, but we’re definitely a commuter town. We have a commuter train that runs several times a day.

Do you remember a few weeks ago when I did a cartoon about housing and commuting in the Burg? The issue in the cartoon was about the housing problem in the area, and the only way to afford the newly-built homes was to work in NoVa or DC. Now, a lot of people won’t be able to do that, thanks to Elon Musk.

Right about now is when you need your governor to swoop in and fight for you. Since our governor is a Republican and has always supported Trump, he may have some sway in easing or even ending the layoffs of Virginians. Oh, boy….here comes our governor, red-vest-wearing Glenn Youngkin. Where are the horns announcing our champion’s arrival? Here, I’ll do a. mouth trumpet for it. DOO-DA-Doo!

What’s your message, Gov? Let’s hear it! Here it is! Youngkin said, “Listen. We have a federal government that is inefficient, and we have an administration that is taking on that challenge of rooting out waste, fraud, and abuse and driving efficiency in our federal government. It needed to happen.”

Uhhhh….what?

Our “champion" just said that many Virginians are wasteful, fraudulent, abusive, and inefficient. Youngkin is taking the side of DOGE over Virginias, but he doesn’t care. Most of those federal workers live in NoVA, and NoVA didn’t vote for Youngkin. But, he’s still gonna help us out.

Youngkin said, “We have a lot of federal workers in the Commonwealth, and I want to make sure that they know we care about them and we value them and we want them to find that next chapter.”

Dawwww, thank you, Mr. Red Vest. We’re so happy you care. Now, lay it on us.

Youngkin announced a new “resource package” at an event hosted by Capital One and introduced a new government website, VirginiaHasJobs.com, for fired federal employees. The site has information for recently fired federal workers that includes information on “virtual job fairs,” advice on how to apply for unemployment, and helpful tips on updating their resumes.

The next time your car doesn’t start, maybe Mr. Red Vest will come along and helpfully say, “Try kicking the tires.”

You would think Youngkin would have more sympathy since he was once a commuter when he was co-CEO of the Carlyle Group, an investment firm that helped make Youngkin a multimillionaire with a net worth of around $440 million. No wonder he doesn’t give a shit about you.

And I wouldn’t care about you either if I was a Republican worth $440 million. I’d be in an ivory tower penthouse somewhere, smoking huge cigars while laughing evilly, Bwa-ha-ha-ha-cough-cough-cough-hack-hack-hack-gag-gag-gag. I just remembered that I don’t like cigars.

Anyway, the new website includes an incomplete list (is Enron still around?) of some of the state’s largest employers (a Youngkin staffer did some googling), including Capital One (the Capitol One Cafes are nice. Maybe you can get a job there if you can’t land a position in offering predatory loans). Basically, the governor is telling you to search LinkedIn and Indeed and make sure you smile during your job interviews. Thanks, Governor.

Thank God there’s a one-term limit on governors in Virginia.

Hey, speaking of that. The governor is about to be unemployed himself. Since I have as much empathy for him as he has for his constituents, I’ll give him some job-hunting advice.

Governor, update your resume and make sure to include you’re an orange Kool-Aid-swilling MAGAt, and maybe you can get a job in the Trump administration (sic). After all, you have chosen Trump and Elon Musk over your constituents.

Make sure you include that you like Nazis in your resume because that can get you in good with Elon Musk, who is a Nazi. Don’t get your hopes up too much because word is, Elon favors young boys for those positions. I’m not insinuating anything nasty here, but it’s true. Elon favors young, inexperienced men still in the Clearasil demographic for jobs in DOGE.

During your campaign for governor, you spread lies about the FBI tracking and intimidating parents of students in public schools. Mention that, too. Say something hateful about Biden. They love that shit.

Since you don’t have any accomplishments from your time as governor, you might have to start as an intern. Just crawl up Trump’s ass and wait for your call. What? You’ve already done that? Good job thinking ahead.

Also, tell them you really really really really really wanted to ban abortion in the state, but those commie socialist woke Democrats in the General Assembly wouldn’t let you.

Just hang in there because there will be an opening in the Trump cabinet soon. Which cabinet? Who knows, but this is Trump. He’ll fire someone soon, or perhaps one of them will discover he or she has a couple of ounces of dignity left and will quit after the next international shameful embarrassment. No, it won’t be Rubio.

Also, if you do get inside the Oval Office, be cautious about sitting on any couches. JD’s been in there.

You could also apply for a job at Fox News. Perhaps you can get Pete Hegseth’s former seat on the couch (I’m not sure if JD’s been on that one). What? You don’t have any journalism experience? HAHAHAHA. You’re funny, Gov. This is Fox News, not an actual news outlet.

Ya know, Gov…I think you’re going to be fine (you can probably scrape by with your $440 million), at least for the first three years after you leave office, but it could be close to four years if you leave now.

Nudge, nudge. Hint, hint.

Lieutenant Gov. Winsome Sears made a direct-to-camera video acknowledging “concern about the federal government workforce transition” and shared five links to “additional resources to assist.” All five links led to “404 Page Not Found” website errors. Sears is going to have a lot of fun running to replace Youngkin in this year’s gubernatorial election. Winsome, make sure to constantly mention these firings “needed to happen.” It’ll be a real winner of a message in NoVA, Richmond, Norfolk, etc, ect.

Drawn in 30 seconds:

Timelapse:

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