Great Jeans

I did NAZI blue jeans going all white supremacist on us

I forget where I first heard this story, but I immediately got a cartoon idea for it as I thought it’d be a great subject. But I decided to wait because I only saw MAGAts talking about it.

A cartoonist has to be careful with MAGA “news.” I’ll often check out the MAGA cartoons on GoComics and see that most of them are on the same subject, one I wasn’t even aware of. I watch a lot of news, and if I’m not aware of something only MAGAts are covering, then you know it’s in a bubble.

It’s like they all got the same memo about nothing. Fox News and other right-wing propaganda outlets will often make news out of something the legitimate media isn’t covering. Often, MAGA news isn’t news at all. So when I first saw a story last week on the American Eagle ad controversy, I thought it could be MAGA “news.” I decided to wait.

I think if I had done a cartoon on the subject last week, some of my readers would have said, “huh?” Hopefully, not to the point as if they were looking at a Henry Payne cartoon. Henry used to be just a right-wing boring cartoonist, but he’s gone further over the cliff since MAGA infested his brain, and now his condition has progressed to the point that he is truly insane.

And quite frankly, this cartoon by two-time Pulitzer winner Michael Ramirez is kinda insane too. After I saw it and how stupid it was, I decided it might be time for me to cover this subject. I searched, and there was new reporting on it. I figured readers were more aware of it by now.

In Sydney Sweeney’s commercial for American Eagle, she’s lounging around in blue jeans and a denim jacket unbuttoned enough to expose ample bosom and make MAGAts turn into those horny wolves in cartoons from the 1940s. It’s not news that there’s a commercial selling sex, but this is selling sex to White Nationalists. I’m sorry if I made you envision horny white nationalists.

I’m old, so when a young celebrity makes the news, or Fox Propaganda, I usually have to Google them and find out who they are and what they do that makes them famous. I had heard of Sydney Sweeny, but I wasn’t familiar with her, yet an old codger like Donald Trump knew who she was. More on that in a minute.

I don’t doubt that Sweeney is a big deal, and she has to be for all the commercials she’s in. I just looked, and she’s hawking face cream, loafers, and flip phones. They still make flip phones? She is going for the old White guy market. Sweeney is even selling Sydney’s Bathwater Bliss, a soap that contains a small amount of Sydney’s bathwater.

What? She’s selling her dirty bath water? She is going for that old White guy demographic. I don’t care how much boobage she has, that’s disgusting! Who buys that, and at what point will she start selling her worn panties on porn sites?

But in her AE commercial, she’s purring around in all that unbuttoned denim, and says, “Genes are passed down from parents to offspring, often determining traits like hair colour, personality, and even eye colour. My jeans are blue,” as the camera focuses on her eyes. And then the tagline reads, “Sydney Sweeney has great jeans.”

Ramirez thinks it’s “woke” and “ridiculous” to read anything into that, but how can you not? The fact that Michael Ramirez is defending it tells you it’s gotta be white nationalist propaganda. This is coming from the people who create shit to be outraged about. Remember Sexy M&M? It wasn’t that long ago they all lost their collective shit over a mixed-race couple in a Cheerios commercial.

More proof that it’s aimed at white nationalists is that Trump is hot and bothered by it.

A reporter asked Trump on Air Force One if he had any thoughts on Sydney Sweeney, a “very hot actress right now”, being a registered Republican. He did.

Trump said, “She’s a registered Republican? Ooh, now I love her ad. Is that right? Is Sydney Sweeney … You’d be surprised at how many people are Republicans. That’s what I wouldn’t have known. But I’m glad you told me that. If Sydney Sweeney is a registered Republican, I think her ad is fantastic.”So we know he’s seen the ad.

Later, Trump posted on ShitSocial, “Sidney [sic] Sweeney, a registered Republican, has the HOTTEST ad out there. It's for American Eagle, and the jeans are "flying off the shelves." Go get 'em Sidney.”

You can always tell when a staffer writes Trump’s posts, and when he writes them. He wrote this one.

Remember the days when presidents were ignorant of pop culture? Ronald Reagan had to be told who Michael Jackson was while he was visiting the White House. I’m sure before they introduced the two, someone warned that Jackson was Black…well, sometimes.

Now, presidents are pop culture. Trump had a TV show where he played a brilliant businessman, and America bought it. That’s like believing Tom Cruise flies fighter jets and works as a secret agent. But now, I hate to think what Trump might be doing with himself while watching those Sidney Sweeney blue jeans commercials. I’m sorry! DO NOT think about that….DO NOT think about….yeah, too late. You’re thinking about it.

Anywasy haysies, the JD Vance couldn’t be left out of the Nazi blue jeans brouhaha, and had to say something too.

JD praised Sweeney for being an “all-American beautiful woman”, adding: “So much of the Democrats is oriented around hostility to basic American life.” Calm down, JD, and don’t act like you just saw a sexy sexy dolphin. Were you watching Sweeney on your couch? They need to burn that couch.

Mostly, Republicans are praising Sweeney for having “great genes” and being an all-American White girl. Republicans are acting like there’s never been a White woman in a TV ad before, except for Jennifer Garner, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Coolidge, Cameron Diaz, Milana Vayntrub (the AT&T girl), the Toyota lady, Drew Barrymore, Stephanie Courtney, Mila Kunis, Jessica Alba, Betty White, Courtney Cox, the Where’s the Beef lady, Lindsay Lohan, Taylor Swift, Alison Brie, Kristen Bell, and…mmmmm, Kristen Bell….sorry, I got distracted. Where was I? Oh yeah, Jessica Rabbit, Bugs Bunny when he’s in drag, Limu Emu’s wife, which might be another mixed-marriage in a TV commercial because she might be an ostrich, and Helen Mirren. Mmmmmm, Helen Mirren. I mean…noooothin’.

Anyhoobies, White people are finally getting some recognition now that Sydney Sweeney is in what must be her 38th commercial, but maybe first for her cleavage. As you know, White people are the most neglected and persecuted race in world history. It may have even been mentioned in that Mel Brooks’ film, History of White Christian Persecution, which was real nice of that Jewish fella to make.

The narrative that White Christian males are being persecuted is just another in the long line of Republican faux outrage. And that entire denim look isn’t really something to get all warm and squishy inside about. I mean, it’s not like it’s Helen Mirren, I mean, Kristen Bell! Kristen Bell!

What all these actresses have in common is that none of them hawked Nazism on TV, though I’m not entirely sure about Emu Limu’s wife. I don’t trust ostriches.

Trolls: You guys know I have trolls, but lately, their numbers have been growing. For the most part, I don’t mind them. It comes with the territory, and it’s a stupid sign of success. But the thing is, they’re annoying and distracting. I have a hard time ignoring them when they post lies in the comments on my cartoons, whether it’s at GoComics or on a social media platform. Lately on Facebook, I’ve gotten so many that I can’t even read them all, let alone reply to them. But, oh well. As I said, I don’t mind them so much. But what I do mind is a goon stalking me online and posting false information about my private life, and making vile accusations.

I don’t know how much attention I want to give to this guy yet, but a MAGAt on GoComics is posting stuff about me and my ex-girlfriend. That’s a relationship that ended over five years ago. Am I right to be creeped out by that?

The guy, who has “Barn” as part of his username, posted her name, that she has a daughter, and lied about why our relationship ended without having any knowledge of it. This is a violation of their privacy, too. But worst of all, he accused me of one of the most vile crimes a person could ever commit. What he did was commit libel. I mean, if my ex never accused me of this, then he doesn’t have the right.

But I’m trying to get GoComics to ban the guy. I think libel should qualify for a ban. His belief is that since I’ve drawn cartoons about Trump and the Epstein Files, then he must have a right to commit libel against me. I may also need to talk to a lawyer.

As I said, being criticized and insults come with the territory, but spreading lies about my personal life shouldn’t. Yeah, I talk about my personal life, and you’re about to read some more, but I don’t think it warrants libelous attacks and libel. I don’t think my ex deserves it either.

Update: He has been banned. Thanks, GoComics.

I did it again: I’m guaranteed to lock myself out of my apartment at least once a year. In fact, it was in July of last year, the night before I was to fly to Milwaukee for the GOP convention, that I locked myself out doing laundry. And I had a cartoon on my table about Trump being shot in the ear. This happened around 9 p.m. I tried to wake up the maintenance dude, but he’s a hard sleeper. So I had to wait outside his apartment until around 5 a.m., when he woke up, and let me in. As he was unlocking my door, he said, “You know, I don’t mind if you knock on my door and wake me up.” As my ex-wife used to say, “Grrrr, Motherfucker, grrrr.”

I took my garbage out around 11 p.m. last night, and I did it again. The maintenance guy from the previous year is still here, but he no longer works for my landlady. So I banged on his door anyway, HAHAHAHAHAHA! No, I didn’t, but I expected a long night of waiting outside again. And even though I expected her to be asleep with her phone off, I texted my landlady anyway. I really hate to bother her. Since I had nothing else to do anyway, I figured I should get drunk, have women recently released from prison hit on me, and smell like cigarettes, so I went to the nearest bar, which is about a 20-minute downhill walk from my apartment. Right after I get there and after my first sip of Yuengling, and without being hit on yet by any prison beaches, my landlady texts and says that since I’m such a nice guy (I really am), she was on her way to my apartment to unlock my door. That’s when I started a very brisk 20-minute walk uphill. And when she texted that she had unlocked my door and had gone home, my brisk walk became a frantic sprint up that hill. There are sketchy people in this building, and my apartment contains computers and guitars. But it was all good when I arrived, and nothing was stolen except my breath. After showering all the sweat off myself, I had to go back to the bar because I ran out of there so fast that I didn’t pay my one-beer tab, and the jail ladies didn’t have anyone nice to hit on yet. So, it was another 20-minute walk back down that hill, but at a more casual pace this time.

Seriously, a few years ago, back when I ventured out much more often, I was in that bar and a nice lady came in with some friends, and at one point she shouted, “Dammit, I just got out of jail and I need to get laid right now!” And just as I was thinking, “Please don’t see me, “ she looked right at me and said, “Heeeeeey, how you doing?” I’m not lying. I have a freak magnet. They’re drawn to me. Anyway, she makes a mean breakfast. KIDDING! I kid. I kid.

But while out last night, this guy started to complain to me about “Black” people on welfare. Apparently, my freak magnet had a WiFi connection and was in full service.

Anyhoos, I don’t know why I lock myself out once a year. Maybe it’s because I’m older and I get too distracted way too easi….look at that bird. I put the keys on a hanger by the door, but I’ve still done it every one of the five years I’ve lived in my apartment. I would get a keyless lock that requires a code, but the landlady won’t let me. We did get a code-lock for the laundry room after someone took a poop in there, and it usually takes seven tries for that to work.

This is a rant where I can’t blame anyone, except for myself.

Speaking of Freak Magnets: Yeah, I know. This blog is getting long. I went to the bus station so I could catch a bus (duh) so I could make a deposit at my bank and ask them why my new bank card hasn’t arrived yet. All the buses depart the station at half past the hour. But for some reason, the bus I needed sat empty. There was one guy with me waiting to catch the bus, and he started complaining. We were ten minutes late, and he said the problem was that the bus service hired too many “dykes” to be drivers. I didn’t want to talk to this guy, but now I had to. I asked, “What did you say?” I thought I might’ve misheard him. I had to have misheard him, right? I haven’t heard that word used in years. But nope, he said it again. He was basically insinuating that the female bus driver was late because she was having girl-on-girl fun time in the ladies’ room. And no, he wasn’t some White redneck. He was very tall, though.

After he repeated the D-word multiple times, I said, “I seriously doubt that’s why the bus is late. He told me that he wasn’t “gayophobic,” but continued to blame lesbians for late buses. It’s always the lesbians.

Then, one of the bus employees came out of the station, and he and the D-word dude started griping at each other. Then another bus employee came out to join the shouting match. I thought they were old friends and playing, until the cops showed up. The reason my bus was late departing, and why there wasn’t a driver there, was because D-word dude had assaulted someone on a city bus, and the driver didn’t feel safe around him. Maybe she was the one he assaulted. But the cops came, told him he was banned for life from taking the city bus, and to leave immediately. Turns out, he was the reason the bus was late leaving for its route.

After he left, a nice female bus driver came out of the station to drive the bus. She apologized for the lateness and said she had been hiding in the bathroom with her friend all that time. I KID! I KID! But she does make a mean breakfast. I KID! I KID!

But yeah, freak magnet, people. Don’t stand so close to me.

I wrote this blog at Wegmans, and the challenge now is to get home without anything else weird happening. Can I make it?

Creative note: A special shout-out to Dorkas Michaelis-Iske, a subscriber in Germany who assisted with the translation in today’s cartoon. She rocks!

Music note: I listened to Evanescence.

Drawn in 30 seconds:

Timelapse:

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