Frickin' Hegseth

MAGAts even make war weird.

Last week, The Wall Street Journal reported about the possibility that Iran could be using “mine-carrying dolphins” to attack U.S. warships. Seriously.

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, who does not want to acknowledge any strength of the Iranian military, said at one of his He-Man press briefings last week after being asked about kamikaze dolphins, “I cannot confirm or deny whether we have kamikaze dolphins, but I can confirm they don’t.”

We cannot confirm or deny whether Hegseth was joking or if he was serious because Republicans do not have a sense of humor. An example to prove this would be Greg Gutfeld.

The U.S. Navy Office of Information declined to comment on kamikaze dolphins or Pete Hegseth's lack of a sense of humor. If Iran does have kamikaze dolphins, and Pete knows about it, he won't be able to keep it a secret for very long because he's Pete Hegseth, the worst secretary of defense in our nation’s history.

However, the idea of dolphins being trained to attack US warships in the Strait of Hormuz probably isn't as crazy as Dr. Evil wanting sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads, or ill-tempered, mutated Seabass.

The US Navy has a Marine Mammal Program, and since 1959, has trained bottlenose dolphins and California sea lions to detect mines and other underwater threats, conduct surveillance, and locate and recover objects at sea. Since we know about this, what else have they trained dolphins to do that we don't know about? Maybe we have some undercover crabs. Oops, that's just Pete again.

The Soviet Navy also trained dolphins during the Cold War, though the unit was transferred to Ukraine after the fall of the Soviet Union, according to an NPR report from 2022. The Russian military reportedly revived its dolphin program after seizing Ukraine’s defense dolphins in 2014 during the annexation of Crimea. In 2022, satellite imagery identified two dolphin pens in the Sevastopol harbor, which suggests that Russia is back to training dolphins for warfare, which is probably not as bad for the dolphins as getting a job at SeaWorld.

Russia has aided Iran since Donald Trump began his chosen war against it. In addition to giving Iran sensitive satellite intelligence on US targets, maybe Putin has loaned them a few kamikaze dolphins.

Whiskey Pete may have misunderstood the question, though, and believed that the reporter was asking about doing kamikaze shots with dolphins. Muslims, even Islamic dolphins, are prohibited from drinking alcohol.

Kegsbreath is also prohibited from drinking alcohol, as per his promise to the Senate during his confirmation hearings, but who believes that?

Rooster: The 10th and last episode of the first season of Rooster aired last night, and I just watched it. This is a very sharply written comedy series starring Steve Carell, and it's excellent. This series can be classified as an intelligent comedy.

Carell is an author who is a visiting writing professor at a small New England College, where his daughter is also a professor, and he is very annoyed that he is there. I hurt my stroke shoulder several times laughing while watching the show.

I highly encourage you to check it out if you haven't already.

Weekend glucose: Not everything I eat has to be as bland as a wet paper bag. On Saturday night, I ordered grilled white fish and shrimp. I cut out the bed of rice. I opted for green beans and broccoli on the side. It also came with bread, but that went into the trash. The worst thing about this dish for my blood sugar was the cocktail sauce, but I didn't use a lot of it. The next morning, my blood sugar was at 110, which I’ll take any day. The whitefish did taste like a wet paper bag.

On Sunday afternoon, I had lunch with my ex-girlfriend and her daughter, which was nice. While waiting for them, I had a nonalcoholic beer so I could sit at the bar and pretend to be a human again. We had Korean barbecue, and I even had a touch of real ice cream. The next morning, my glucose was at 120, which isn't too bad. I still ate a salad last night.

Creative note: I began work today without any idea of which topic I would draw about, and I had several to choose from, so I wasn't worried. After going through a few of them, I could not resist kamikaze dolphins. By the way, yesterday's cartoon about the Virginia Supreme Court has over 1,600 comments on my Facebook page. The reel has over 50.

Drawn in 30 seconds:

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All support is appreciated.

Signed prints and books: I cannot take orders for signed prints or for my books at this time. So please do not send me money or place orders for them until further notice. Because of the stroke, it is an ordeal for me to get to the post office, so we’re gonna hold up until I’m fully capable of doing so. Thank you for your understanding.

Merch: Did you know there’s a Claytoonz store? My cartoons are printed on mugs, clothing, caps, and even a Peezy T-shirt. If you ever want a specific cartoon on some merch, let me know, and I’ll add it.