Epstein Client List

Don't write checks you can't cash

Today, the Justice Department posted a memo saying there is no evidence that the late pedophile and Trump party buddy Jeffrey Epstein was murdered or that he kept anything amounting to a much-anticipated “client list.” A DOJ spokesgoon told CNN that the department does not plan to release any new documents on the matter.

If you’re not surprised that there’s not a list of Epstein’s clients, that’s probably because you know New York City’s medical examiner had ruled Epstein’s death (hanging himself in jail) a suicide. The attorney general in Trump’s first term, Bill Barr, said the same thing, despite his suspicions of something more sinister. A Justice Department Inspector General report also pushed back on the idea that the death was anything but a suicide, while criticizing staff failures for allowing it to happen.

The Miami Herald’s Julie K. Brown, one of the best-sourced reporters on the Epstein case, reported earlier this year, “Those who have worked with the FBI on the case for decades say there is no evidence Epstein kept a ledger or a list of clients who were involved with his sex trafficking operation.”

But the problem for Trump 2.0 is that the regime promised to expose everything upon taking power, even promising to produce Epstein’s “client list.” Even an insider in Trump’s DOJ said there was a “client list.” Now, who in the Justice Department would jump the gun so badly when there’s not a client list? Who, who I ask? Who? Who? Who? Oh, it was the Attorney General, Pam Barbie Bondi. That’s who.

Remember, Bondi was Florida’s Attorney General who was going to investigate Trump University’s fraud in that state, but pulled the investigation after being paid off by Trump, who funneled it through his fake charity, the Trump Foundation. Later, she defended Trump in his impeachment trials, and was his second choice to be his AG after Matt Gaetz.

Imagine being the second choice after Matt Gaetz. If I were the second choice to Matt Giggity Gaetz, I’d probably hang myself.

But anywhosies, Bondi never promised to release a list, but she claimed it existed. And the stuff she did release months ago, was shit we already knew. It was like when Elon released the Twitter Files that had nothing on them.

Back in February, a month into this horrifying racist fascist regime, Bondi was asked by John Roberts on Fox News if the DOJ would release a “list of Jeffrey Epstein’s clients.” He asked, “Will that really happen?”

Bondi said, “It’s sitting on my desk right now to review. That’s been a directive by President Trump. I’m reviewing that.”

Uh, so how was this imaginary list sitting on Bondi’s desk at that exact moment when it never existed?

Today, White House SpokesBarbie Karoline Leavitt claimed that Bondi wasn’t referring to an Epstein Client list, saying, “She was saying the entirety of all of the paperwork – all of the paper in relation to Jeffrey Epstein’s crimes. That’s what the attorney general was referring to, and I’ll let her speak for that.”

That’s a good call, SpokesBarbie, because it’s never a good idea to speak for liars, you know…such as yourself. Bondi explicitly referred to having Epstein’s client list on her desk. It was NOT an insinuation. Some Americans know how to comprehend.

Last March, again on Fox News because it’s the only place they feel safe to go because there are never follow-up questions, host Mark Levin suggested that Democratic-leaning officials in New York City might be withholding information because they “don’t like the names on the list” and that they were “trying to protect a lot of names and individuals.”

Did Bondi reply with, “They’re not withholding information about the list because there isn’t a list.”? No. She replied, “I think it’s very interesting that they withheld that from us.”

Republicans and MAGAts are seriously upset about this, because they still believe, without evidence, there’s an Epstein client list just like they still believe the 2020 election was stolen, there’s a deep state, There are Jewish space lasers, Hillary Clinton sex-trafficked babies out of the basement of a Washington DC pizza joint that doesn’t have a basement, that vaccines contain tracking chips, that the government is controlling the weather with chemtrails while also putting toxins in the water that make frogs gay, and that there’s incriminating evidence on Hunter’s laptop.

MAGAts HATE having their conspiracy theories debunked, especially by another MAGAt. That never happens, right?

Right-wing filmmaker and Heritage Foundation Visiting Fellow Robby Starbuck tweeted, “If Jeffrey Epstein had no clients list, didn’t have elites raping girls on his island and hadn’t taken part in any blackmail schemes… Then… Why’d he kill himself? It doesn’t pass the smell test.” Dude, Trump’s cologne doesn’t pass the smell test.

I don’t think Epstein killed himself because of a client list, but because he was going to spend the rest of his life in prison.

Elon Musk, who claimed that not only is there an Epstein client list, but that Trump’s name is on it, posted a meme of the DOJ as clowns. Other far-right MAGA goons were screaming for Bondi to be fired, one said she’s “keeping the tens of thousands of child porn videos for herself,” and Laura Loomer has tweeted about 80 times on this, with one saying, “If she doesn’t get fired over this Epstein memo, people are going to be so black pilled.”

Wow! Being blackpilled sounds horrible, whatever that is.

Last May, Bondi also said publicly, “There are tens of thousands of videos of Epstein with children or child porn, and there are hundreds of victims.” But even Kash Patel, the bug-eyed psychotic MAGAt running the FBI, walked that one back during an interview with Joe Rogan, which must have really disappointed that conspiracy theorist.

If Bondi can finally admit that there’s not an Epstein client list, maybe she can finally confess that the 2020 election wasn’t stolen, and Joe Biden won.

That one would guarantee her firing.

Creative note: I was going to do something else today, but then this happened, and I said, “Woo-hoo!” I didn’t have an idea for the other subject. This cartoon has seven layers.

Music note: I colored to Creedence.

Drawn in 30 seconds:

Timelapse:

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