Dr. Robert

RFK Jr is going to stick it in our butts

On Tuesday, it was announced that the Trump Regime, which is a petri dish of conspiracy theories, is canceling almost $500 million in contracts to develop mRNA vaccines to protect the nation against future viral threats.

The federal Biomedical Advanced Research and Development Authority (BARDA, which is also the noise Pete Hegseth makes when throwing up in a back alley dumpster), which oversees the nation's defenses against biological attacks, is terminating 22 contracts with university researchers and private companies to develop new uses for the mRNA technology, because the Health and Human Services Secretary, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., is not a doctor or medical expert, but a conspiracy-theorist whack job.

Lunatics who believe vaccines cause autism and come with tracking chips so the Deep State Illuminati baby-eating reptillians can keep track of you are ecstatic. Actual scientists, doctors, and public health experts, not so much.

Showing evidence that the brain worm may have eaten more than we first believed, RFK Jr. said, “Let me be absolutely clear: HHS supports safe, effective vaccines for every American who wants them. That's why we're moving beyond the limitations of mRNA vaccines for respiratory viruses and investing in better solutions.”

This is like when Trump tried to get rid of Obamacare with “something better.”

The first COVID vaccine was developed during the first Trump regime, but that administration never had a plan to roll it out to the public. They were planning to hide it all behind a toilet at MAGA-Lardo. Thankfully, Joe Biden won the 2020 election and made the vaccines effective. Now, the same regime that took credit for the vaccine is trying to destroy it.

Michael Osterholm, who runs the Center for Infectious Disease Research and Policy at the University of Minnesota, said, “This may be the most dangerous public health judgment that I've seen in my 50 years in this business. It is baseless, and we will pay a tremendous price in terms of illnesses and deaths. I'm extremely worried about it.” He’s worried.

Every single MAGAt who yelled “Go get another booster, soy boy” during a losing argument responded with, “Yee-hay, yee-haw, yee-haw.”

Mary Holland, the president and CEO of The Children’s Health Defense, said, “While we believe the mRNA vaccines should be taken off the market, the announcement is a positive move towards protecting public health.” By the way, the Children’s Health Defense was founded by RFK Jr, but I’m sure the people running that organization are totally credible (insert rolling eyes here).

I had a feeling it was bad to make the nation’s top health official a guy who believes in chemtrials and likes to tool around town in a car with a whale’s head strapped to it.

Jennifer Nuzzo, who runs the Brown University School of Public Health's Pandemic Center, said, “When there's the next pandemic, we're going to be caught flat-footed. It absolutely leaves the country vulnerable.”

Other people had something to say, too.

RFJ Jr said, “Who needs a medically-proven defense when you can cleanse your soul and body just by taking a dip in Rock Creek? Just make sure you don’t step on all the hypodermic needles.”

Donald Trump said, “To prepare America for the next pandemic, I will pardon Ghislaine Maxwell,” and “How do I get off this roof?”

JD Vance said, “I have it on full medical authority that you don’t need protection when couch humping, just watch out for the springs.”

A dolphin said, “Hey, eyes up here, buddy.”

Linda McMahon said, “Who needs research by universities anyway?”

A member of the Texas Legislature said, “If you see a Covid, just throw a Bible at it.”

Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton said, “Since we already control our women female’s bodies, we gonna make it illegal for them to get that there COVID shot anyways.” Later, he added, “No! You can’t bribe me with Salsa!”

Attorney General Pam Bondi said, “We’re going to investigate Obama for inventing COVID.”

FBI Director Kash Patel said, “I’m ordering federal agents to raid Pfizer.”

A hungry Deep-State lizard guy said, “I was promised a baby!”

Dr. Oz said, “You can prevent COVID by simply eating some crudites.”

Homeland Security Director Kristi Noem said, “It’s the illegals who brought Covid in during the border invasion. Has anyone seen my purse?”

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth said, “Do those (HIC!) tiny liquor bottles on airplanes count as (HIC!) alcohol? How you doin’? HIC!”

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Scott Turner said, “I’m the only Black person here.”

Marjorie Taylor Greene said, “Covid was spread by Jewish Space Lasers after being invented in Bill Gates’ fake meat peachtree dish! I’m calling the Gezpacho Police!”

Lauren Boebert said, “I don’t need a vaccine to protect myself from COVID. I’m packing!”

Sydney Sweeney said, “I have great genes.”

Pete Hegseth came back to say, “And I’m (HIC!) looking at those jeans (HIC!).

Ted Cruz said, “If you need me, I’ll be out of the country.”

Stephen Miller said, “Sieg Heil!”

Donald Trump Jr. said, “sniiiiiiiiiffff!”

Sgt Schultz said, “I see nothing! I know nothing!”

Sheriff Bart said, “Where all the White women at?”

Lurch from Hot Fuzz said, “Yarp.”

RFK Jr’s brain worm said, “I’m starving.”

The cartoonist said, “I have a bad feeling about this.”

The dead bear RFK Jr. dumped in Central Park had no comment.

Creative note: This cartoon made me ten minutes late for my Zoom chat with Ed. Thankfully, he was patient.

Drawn in 30 seconds:

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