Deep State Sandwich

And this is why we can't have $5-dollar foot longs anymore.

One of the editors who receives my cartoons wrote me today saying that he didn’t understand this cartoon, and would wait for the blog to explain it. Then he followed that with, “Hey, did you hear about the WNBA dildo throwers? Dude…

Anyhoos… Cops in Washington, DC have arrested a man who viciously attacked Border Patrol…with a Subway footlong sandwich. Maybe, if he had just thrown a 6-incher, there wouldn’t have been any ruckus over it, and Pam Bondi would have only charged him with a misdemeanor or would have been given a simple citation.

Baghdad wasn’t filled with violent insurgents until the US military invaded in 2003. It wasn’t long after the occupation of Iraq began that the terrorists showed up to kill Yankee devils, and I’m not talking about the Red Sox. Now, people who wanted to kill Americans didn’t have to travel so far.

W and Cheney promised a quick war, and they were right in that Saddam’s military was defeated in short order, but they ignored us when we told them the real fight would come after. Remember when they claimed we would be “greeted as liberators?” Yeah.

And you can say that cops weren’t being assaulted with sandwiches before Trump ordered the federalization of Washington, DC. Federalizing DC has not been greeted with warmth. It’s been greeted with derision and Subway sandwiches. I hope it wasn’t an Italian BMT. Those are my favorites. Remember the crab salad sub? What happened to those?

On Wednesday night, around 11 p.m., a man approached several Border Patrol officers in Washington, DC, in front of a Subway sandwich shop. Sean Charles Dun, the sandwich guy, reportedly called the heavily armed officers “fucking fascists,” yelling, “I don’t want you in my city!” before hurling a wrapped Subway sandwich at the chest of a Border Patrol cop, which bounced off his riot gear harmlessly. Kash Patel, a joke of an FBI director (this doesn’t help), shared a video of the incident. Dunn was later caught, “I did it. I threw a sandwich.”

The video is hilarious as you watch several cops chase a sandwich-throwing man in a pink shirt down the street. I get the whole chasing thing when they had a free sandwich. Maybe it was chicken teriyaki. You bastard!

Attorney General (ha!), Pam Bondi said, “This is an example of the Deep State we have been up against for seven months as we work to refocus DOJ.” That’s not a joke. She literally tweeted that. J6 was a little harmless protest, and the real danger is these deep-state sandwich fuckers. First, they sex traffic babies out of the basement of a DC pizza parlor, and now they’re throwing sandwiches at federal law enforcement.

As it turns out, Dunn worked for the Justice Department as an international affairs specialist in the Criminal Division of the Office of International Affairs, so Bondi fired him and said, “You will NOT work in this administration while disrespecting our government and law enforcement.” Oh, yeah? Then explain Jared Wise, a member of the Justice Department who spent his January 6, 2021, attacking the Capitol and calling the police protecting it “Nazis” and “Gestapo,” while also saying, “Yeah, fuck them! Yeah, kill ’em!” Now, a spokesgoon for Trump’s DOJ said he’s a “valued member of the Justice Department and we appreciate his contributions to our team.”

Bondi and Wise should not be working at DOJ. They should be working at Subway.

After he was apprehended, Dunn was released without charges (probably because it was just a sandwich), but then a warrant was put out for his arrest. He called his lawyer to turn himself in, but she couldn’t after several attempts, saying, “I had no way to surrender him.” She called multiple government officials, but it looks like they didn’t want him to turn himself in, because that wouldn’t have been dramatic enough. The DOJ sent 20 cops to arrest him at his home. TWENTY! Maybe they feared he had reloaded with Subway’s cold cut combo. They didn’t use that many FBI agents when they raided MAGA-Lardo.

Have you tried Jimmy John’s? I can’t remember if I have, but their commercials with the guy from “Everyone Loves Raymond” are funny.

Bondi boasted, “I just learned that this defendant worked at the Department of Justice — NO LONGER. Not only is he FIRED, he has been charged with a felony.”

Jeanine Pirro, Trump’s new US Attorney for DC and who’s always been a ridiculous human being, posted on X, “We’re going to back the police to the hilt. So there, stick your Subway sandwich somewhere else,” and told CNN, “The police are not out there to get pushed around or beat up. They have a job to do, and they shouldn’t be abused in the process. Count on me to back the blue,” and the red ketchup and the yellow mustard. I made that last part up.

Hey, have you tried cucumbers on a Wawa Italian sub? Delicious! I know a girl who used to live in Virginia, but now lives in Massachusetts, and she, her boyfriend, and her little sister, all drove to New Jersey one day just to get Wawa subs.

White House spokesgoon Jessica “Action with the Bullshit” Jackson put some mustard on it, saying, “Assaulting a law enforcement officer is a crime.. The Trump Administration will always stand up for law enforcement officers and hold those accountable who seek to do them harm.”

Do you like toasted subs, or do you take them at room temperature like I do?

That felony Bondi bragged about was knocked down to a misdemeanor by a judge, probably because it was just a sandwich.

Bondi, Patel, Pirro, White House spokesgoon, it was a sandwich. For god’s sake, the guy was wearing a pink shirt and shorts. How dangerous do you really think he is?

This is why we can’t have five-dollar footlongs anymore. Chris Rock has a theory that if bullets cost $1,000 apiece, then there would be a lot fewer shootings. Since Subway footlongs no longer cost just $5.00, there has only been one recorded incident of a sandwich attack.

If Washington, DC weren’t the most dangerous city in the world, as Trump claims it is, and a place where even the cops are attacked by woke terrorists with footlong sandwiches, then maybe we could get the five-dollar deal back.

You don’t see wokesters (as Trump calls them) throwing Jersey Mike’s sandwiches at cops, probably because they’re more expensive, and come with real bacon…REAL FUCKING BACON, not that floppy microwave excuse for bacon, or that weird shit Canadians call “bacon” that only works on an Egg McMuffin. People, even wokesters, don’t throw real bacon. They eat it.

But hey, at least the wokester sandwich terrorist didn’t throw a dildo.

New York City: Yes, I’m in NYC. My hotel is in Queens, right across the East River from Manhattan, where I’m about to venture for a slice. My hotel sucks. I have to find a place where I can draw since there’s not a desk in my room. I’m writing this blog while sitting up in bed with my MacBook in my lap. There may be typos in the blog.

Interesting note:

A friend asked me if it was possible that Michael Ramirez was influenced by the way I draw the Washington Monument, especially when it’s a cartoon about Trump or MAGA.

Don’t see it? Here’s a closer look, which my friend also sent me.

Michael swears he never reads other cartoons. I think he’s lying. But, I don’t think he stole this from me. He either thought of it himself (he’s not that imaginative) or didn’t mean for it to come out looking like a klansman. What do you think? But if he was influenced by me, I would be honored. It wouldn’t bother me unless it became a trend in his cartoons and then people started calling him a genius for it. That’s happened before with other cartoons, with one being called brilliant for putting Wilson the volleyball in a cartoon. Fucker.

Me and my homies:

Here’s a photo of me at the National Cartoonists Society’s happy hour last night in Boston.

To my right is Pat Byrnes, who’s with Cagle Cartoon, and on my left is Mike Lynch. I thought it would be humorous to do a photo with all the MAGA guys, but that sounded like work.

Creative note:

Girl on train: What’cha drawing?

Me: A dildo.

She asked if she could sit at my table in the cafe car, which I don’t own, so I said, “Sure.” I was drawing my first idea, which included a dildo. Then, I Googled one on my iPhone. Naturally, I didn’t want to Google it on my computer screen where everybody could see it, even the Chatty Cathy sitting behind me who spent the entire journey from Boston to Stamford on her phone using the word “lovely” in every sentence. The algorithms are going to be giving me some really weird ads in the coming days. But, after I looked at the dildo, I knew I couldn’t use that cartoon. Did you know a dildo is shaped like a penis? Who knew?

Anywazzies, this cartoon is much better than the dildo cartoon, and I didn’t really tell the girl that was what I was drawing.

She did ask, and I was like, “Uuuuuuuugh…I don’t know.” She was kinda cute, but picked her nose about as much as Chatty Cathy said “lovely.” She was a lovely nosepicker. She was nice. She told me she was going to New Rochelle, which she did once a month to spend weekends with her family. She also said she worked in a grocery store and lived in a group home in Boston. I kinda felt sorry for her as she seemed sad. What’s a group home? Would it make me sad if I lived in one? I’m sad I’m in this hotel without a desk to draw on.

In case you haven’t noticed, I have a pet peeve about phone talkers in public, especially those who use their speakerphones. I'LL KILL YA! I’LL KILL YA! If you go about using your speakerphone in public, stop. It’s rude and extremely inconsiderate. And if I’m near you, I might say something. I use it at home sometimes.

I know you want to see it, so the dildo cartoon will be in the next batch of roughs. It does NOT look like a penis.

Music note: I had to crank up the music because of Chatty Cathy and a few other talkers, and I totally forgot to listen to Ace Frehley’s New York Groove as we pulled into Manhattan.

Drawn in 30 seconds:

Timelapse:

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