Death to Smoochy

Lindsey Graham is dead

Lindsey Graham was not a man of conviction or principle.

During the 2016 Republican presidential primaries, Donald Trump publicly released Graham’s personal cell phone number. That prompted a viral video in which the senator dramatically destroyed a series of flip phones. He smashed one with a meat cleaver and another with a golf club, then used lighter fluid, a blender, and a toaster oven to pulverize others before tossing one off the roof. I think you can understand his anger, knowing that it is the worst of the worst that follow Donald Trump's lead. You can only imagine the type of messages Graham was receiving from the “basket of deplorables,” as Hillary Clinton described them.

During those primaries, Graham said that Trump was a "race-baiting, xenophobic, religious bigot.” He wasn't wrong. After Trump won the nomination, Graham said it was like “getting shot in the head.”

But when Lindsey did join the cult, he didn't just betray his past convictions; he betrayed his best friend, John McCain, who Trump said was not a war hero or was only a hero because he had been captured, and said, “I like people who are not captured."

Graham spent the entirety of Trump's first term with his lips firmly planted on his orange ass.

After Donald Trump's insurrection attempt on January 6, 2021, Graham said “he’d never been so humiliated and embarrassed for the country” in a speech on the Senate floor.

“Trump and I, we’ve had a hell of a journey. I hate it to end this way. Oh my God, I hate it. From my point of view, he’s been a consequential president,” an emotional Graham said once authorities cleared the MAGA terrorists and allowed senators to reclaim their chamber. “All I can say is count me out. Enough is enough.”

Later, MAGAts were seen yelling and shouting at Graham as he was making his way through Dulles International Airport. How dare you put the nation before the cult? Within a day or two, he was right back up Donald Trump's ass.

“Can we move forward without President Trump? The answer is no,” Graham said in May 2021, just four months after the Jan. 6 attack. “I’ve determined we can’t grow without him.”

Graham’s sudden death last night was a surprise. Trump said to Meet the Press this morning, “I just can’t believe it. He was like a member of the family.” When Graham clinched the South Carolina Republican primary last month, he suggested that Trump was just short of a deity.

“I want to start with a bunch of thank-yous. I want to thank the big guy, God. Trump comes later,” Graham laughed. “Mr. President, you’re not far behind God, but we’re gonna start with him.”

Lindsay Graham died with his head up Donald Trump's ass.

Creative note: Laura, who is one of my proofreaders, inadvertently gave me this idea. I was bouncing two other ideas off her this morning about Graham’s death when she told me that she half expected the death to be by suffocation from having his head up Trump's ass. Ding ding ding. There's the cartoon. When she said the idea was NSFW, that kind of cemented it for me.

Drawn in 30 seconds:

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