Das Fascist

Only fascists hate anti-fascists

Donald Trump inadvertently admitted he’s a fascist. He’s just too stupid to realize that.

Trump hates antifa because they’re antifascist, and he is a fascist. Late Wednesday, Trump said he was designating the antifa movement a terrorist organization. The problem here is that for it to be a terrorist organization, Antifa would have to be an organization.

An article in The New York Times describes antifa as “a diffuse and sometimes violent protest culture of far-left activists who want to stop the far right. The movement is associated with an aggressive form of protest, its adherents call ‘direct action,’ which can sometimes cross the line into illegal or violent activity like breaking store windows or setting police cars on fire.”

“Antifa” is short for antifascist, and it’s typically used by protestors and activists who are more confrontational in dealing with the far right. It’s also used by people who’ve never done anything more than argue with MAGAts on Facebook or GoComics.

Jared Holt, a researcher of extremist movements at Open Measures, a company that monitors influence operations online, said, “Some who have self-labeled with the term have engaged in threatening or violent behaviors, but those individuals represent a small number of people who self-identify with the term.”

At their worst, people who call themselves “antifa” are vandals more than terrorists. If Trump wants to find a group he can designate as terrorists, then he should look at the gangs that committed the violent coup attempt on the Capitol on J6, who tried to overturn an election they lost. Instead of classifying them as terrorists, Trump gave them all pardons.

Antifa is not an organization. There is no leader. There is no headquarters. They don’t have business cards. I bet even bin Laden had business cards. When I type “antifa,” even Grammarly doesn’t tell me to capitalize it. Grammarly won’t stop giving me those red lines if I try the same with the Ku Klux Klan, Patriot Front, Harakat al-Nujaba (an Iranian-backed terrorist organization), Tren de Aragua, or Kars-4-Kids.

Antifa has set police cars on fire, without any policemen sitting in them. They’ve broken windows. They’ve gotten into physical fights with MAGAts. Don’t make al Qaida laugh. Proud Boys have literally tried to overthrow the government.

Trump designated antifa as a terrorist organization in 2020, right before MAGA stormed the Capitol. But nothing came of the designation. But now, with a regime that’s more frothing at the mouth than the last one, it could mean trouble. They’re already canceling college protests, late-night talk show hosts, and Cracker Barrel. This move to classify antifa as terrorists is a way for Trump to cancel liberal organizations. He can claim they’re antifa, thus, they’re terrorists. What if he makes Occupy Democrats a terrorist organization? Could he shut them down? For that matter, could he shut down MSNBC or The New York Times if he designates them as terrorists? You know the joke of an FBI director, Kash Patel, would be down with it.

What if I tell you that I’m antifa? I am anti-fascist, though I never set a cop car on fire. Although there was this one time, maybe it was 1982 (Duran Duran was on the radio), and on Halloween night, a bunch of us were cruising in a car in Americus, Georgia, and the stupidest guy in the car (not me) threw an egg, and it hit a police car. Next thing we knew, we all had our hands on the police car while the cops were deciding whether or not to drag us to the pokey, or even worse…call our moms. Did I mention we were each wearing masks of presidents? I wanted Nixon or at least Reagan, but someone else called it, so I got stuck with Gerald Ford. I tried to pass off that I was the actual Gerald Ford, but it didn’t fool the cops. They were Americus’ finest, after all. It also didn’t help that we had about ten dozen eggs on us and a shit ton of toilet paper (eggs were not expensive in 1982, and we probably just bought one-ply). That just looked suspicious as all hell.

Either it was a miracle or the cops realized capturing the Americus egg-throwing crime syndicate wasn’t the bust they were hoping for, or maybe they just didn’t want to do the paperwork, they let us go. Walter Feliciano, my best friend, was not with us. But we did go back to his house and tell him all about it. Later, Walter, Chris, and I TP’ed the houses of some of the hot girls from our school. I can’t believe those cops fell for it when I said, “No, officers. We don’t have any evil plans at all for these ten dozen eggs or multiple packs of one-ply toilet paper.” After Chris went home, Walter and I TP’ed his house too. The next day after Chris called, Walter and I were both like, “What a coincidence.” Chris never did figure out it was us. It did rain that night, which must have made cleaning up the TP much harder. So if you were a hot junior high girl whose house was TP’ed on Halloween night in 1982 by some former presidents, sorry about that. You too, Chris.

I spent the weekend at Walter’s house, and when I got home Sunday night, my mom grilled me. She just had a suspicion. I don’t know why she always thought I was up to no good. She tried to trick me. She said she knew I had gotten into trouble and was committing hooliganism that Halloween weekend, and wanted to hear the details from me. I said, “Mom, nobody says ‘hooliganism’ anymore, and of course, I didn’t get into trouble. You know I’m a sweet and innocent lad, and I never do nothing bad. Whomever had told you that kind of stuff was lying.’” She kept pressing, but I called her bluff and made the puppy-dog face. By this time, and after falling for her tricks before, I could see right through her. She knew her bluff had failed, and she gave up…or so I thought.

A few months later, Walter’s stupid ass was walking down the street, and my mom was driving down the road, saw him, and decided to give him a ride home. My mom was nice like that…and evil. So, so evil. She said to Walter, “I heard about all that trouble you guys got into on Halloween.” That’s all she had to say. Walter folded like a cheap suit from Burlington Coat Factory. Walter cried, “I didn’t do it. I wasn’t even there. I was grounded and had to stay home. It was Clay, Chris, and those guys who got busted by the cops and almost went to jail for throwing eggs at cop cars, all while I was home being innocent. And not just that, it was Clay’s idea to TP all those hot girl houses. He forced me to come along. Please don’t tell my mom!”

This time, Mom came home and said, “I found out what you did on Halloween night.” I was like, “Again? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn’t do anything.” And she asked, “So, you didn’t get busted throwing eggs at cop cars and then TP some houses?” I was like, “Uh…wha…who….huh? Shit.”

The funny thing is, I didn’t get in trouble. My mom, the evil genius that she was, was too proud and pleased with herself for tricking Walter and busting me, that she forgot to punish me. I mean, I never heard the end of it, but no grounding or probation. She felt she outsmarted me, saying, “I got you because you forgot about Walter.” She was right. I forgot about Walter. I should have told Walter that my mom was an evil genius and would try to psyche him out someday to get me into trouble. I never told Walter that no matter what she said, he shouldn’t believe her. It wouldn’t have worked anyway because my mom was a great actress, too smart and tricky, and kinda scary. There was no way that little Walter could have battled his way through that.

My mom thought the entire thing was funny, unlike a few years later when she was furious at me after the cops knocked on the door looking for me because my buddy Ronnie and I had a contest of who could drive around the most blocks in reverse. That did not work out well, but I won. Or, that time in high school when she came home a day early from a trip, and found Ronnie and me with a lot of whiskey, playing strip poker with some girls (my first hangover), but those stories are for another day.

And ya know what, I never did get my Gerald Ford mask back.

My point is…I forgot the point. Oh, yeah. Anyone who doesn’t like Trump can be designated as antifa, thus designated as a terrorist. I’ve only terrorized junior high girls by TPing their houses (Not now, when I was also in junior high) and by throwing eggs at cop cars. OK. It was I who threw the egg. I was the stupidest guy in the car.

And looking back now, being stuck with the Gerald Ford mask would be so much better than having to go with Donald Trump.

Update. September 20, 2025: I forgot to mention that the DOJ has removed a study from its website concluding that right-wing hate groups have killed far more Americans than any other domestic terrorist group. Antifa is not the greatest danger.

New PAID Subscribers: I want to thank all the new PAID subscribers. I’ve picked up four over the past week since the AAEC convention, and I think the convention was responsible for at least two of them. To be honest, I also lost one over the past week, and I just lost a second one while writing that sentence. Crap.

Anywaves, this is extremely important to me because the regime is learning that intimidation works. After going after network affiliates and large media outlets, they will soon send their flying monkeys after other forms of news networks, like my clients.

I know everyone has a limited income, so I’m truly appreciative of all PAID subscribers. Thank you for helping me survive.

Creative note: At first, I wasn’t crazy about this idea, probably because it doesn’t have a lot of my trademark chaos, and I’m not crazy about cliff cartoons. But I really liked “Das Boot,” the birds, the sippy cup, and the witch dolphin.

Music note: I listened to Collective Soul.

Drawn in 30 seconds:

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