Corrupt Bananas

As Gwen Stefani said, "This shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

If you’re the president of the United States and you want to do a lot of corrupt bullshit, the first thing you do is hire corrupt people who will support your corrupt bullshit.

A sure way to tell someone is corrupt is by offering them a bribe. If they accept the bribe, then they’re good to go because they’re up to no good. Years later, when you need a corrupt Attorney General to vouch that accepting a $400 million plane from Qatar isn’t corrupt, Pam Bondi will tell the public it’s not corrupt, even though it is.

And then, when you need your spokesgoon to say something super ridiculous to defend you over selling access to the Oval Office, you hire Karoline Leavitt. Leavitt said it was OK for Trump to be at his golf club, hosting the top buyers of his crypto because he was off the clock, attending in his “personal time,” as though he’s just a guess. Get the fuck out of here.

The White House claims that Trump’s assets are in a “blind trust” managed by his two idiot kids, Sniffy Jr. and Eric.

Here’s the thing about blind trusts: There aren’t any. Sure, a politician can have someone else manage their assets and investments and such, and maybe someone like President Obama wouldn’t ever ask or be informed. But he could if he wanted. Anyone with a blind trust can have the manager tell them what’s going on. And it’s especially not blind when your two jackass spawns are “managing” it.

Trump has raised around $148 million with his $Trump Crypto. He held a dinner last night at his Virginia golf club for the suckers who’ve “invested” the most into TrumpCoin.

One of the many questions I have is: If this is independent from the presidency, then why did attendees get a gold coin with the presidential seal on it?

Another question I had was: What did they eat? The menu included a “Trump organic field green salad” and an “entrée duet” of filet mignon and pan-seared halibut.

Wait. Stop right the fuck there. There’s a salad named after Trump? A Salad? Was it a salad of Big Macs? One doesn’t associate Donald Trump with green food, such as lettuce, cucumbers, tiny tomatoes, etc. Is this like there being a Trump Wine despite Trump not being a wine drinker, or Trump guitars even though Trump doesn’t play guitar (because his fingers are too tiny)?

I don’t question if this TrumpCoin shit is corrupt and a clear violation of the Emoluments Clause because it is. And Republicans are still howling without evidence about Biden being part of a business deal in China while he wasn’t president.

Nicholas Pinto, a 25-year-old social media influencer, accumulated more than $360,000 in the Trump coin, said the food was “trash.”

Pinto said, “Everyone at my table was saying the food was some of the worst food that they ever had. He continued, “I was hoping for either Big Macs or pizza. That would have been better than the food that we were served.” Keep in mind that Pinto is 25 and probably likes Domino’s. He said his water wasn’t even refilled.

Trump even cheaper out on the water.

Others said they got a “Walmart” steak.

But, hey. These gullible maroons weren’t paying for the food, though Trump should have at least taken them to the buffet at Golden Corral, where a person can get their money’s worth. Seriously, I used to take my teenager to the Great American Buffet and watch him try to put them out of business.

But again, they weren’t paying for the food. They were paying for access.

Justin Sun was sued by the US Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), who claimed he and his companies engaged in fraud to inflate the price of the TRON (TRX) and BTT tokens, as well as selling unregistered securities, but that suit was dropped “coincidentally” after he purchased $75 million of worth of tokens from the Donald Trumps associated Liberty World Fund, where the Trump family was given over 22 billion units of coins, and Sniffy Jr and Eric are part owners.

So, how much access did the 220 Trump bribers get? Not much, according to Pinto, who texted, “Most of the ppl here are sketchy ngl [not gonna lie],” Well, duh. They’re MAGAts. Show me an unsketchy MAGAt and I’ll show you a Trump salad.

But Trump didn’t stick around and was only at the “most exclusive invitation in the world” for 23 minutes (he probably had a dinner to catch). He gave a short speech, which Pinto said was “ was pretty much bullshit,” then he cut out. Trump didn’t take questions or pictures. Even the host, Caitlin Sinclair, an anchor on the conservative news network OANN (that would be a journalism conflict if OANN were an actual news outlet), wasn’t able to get much face time with Trump. Pinto said that she said, “Oh, Trump didn’t even give me a picture.” I wouldn’t want to be seen with an OANN anchor either.

Speaking of luck, Trump’s meme coin plunged 16% in value shortly after the event. Even Trump’s own bullshit dies after he touches it.

I hate AI: Knowing how much I hate AI, the editor of one of my client newspapers made this just for me. How sweet.

I have no idea what’s going on in the background or why I have five fingers on one hand and four on the other. Also, why do I look like a 1950s businessman? Why am I wearing a suit and tie to draw? I’m not Michael Ramirez.

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One of you asked for merch with…

Chicago Pope.

Darth Hideous. Never mind. Redbubble took this down over copyright. No, not for Star Wars, but for Pac Man.I had forgotten he was in there.

KFC Trump.

Reciprocal Penguins.

Bad News For Libraries.