Can't Stop Grifting

I know I shouldn't be giving him ideas.

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce got married yesterday, and it's probably killing Donald Trump because it had nothing to do with him. He wasn't even invited to Madison Square Garden, where the event was held, so he could disrupt traffic just to fall asleep during the ceremony.

This was a private event with over 1,000 guests invited, but I'm sure it was filmed and will soon be a special on Disney+ because it was held at Madison Square Garden, which seats around 20,000 people. Those invited reportedly had to sign non-disclosure agreements. Famous people spotted entering MSG were Ed Sheeran, Bradley Cooper, Zoë Kravitz, Jack Antonoff, Gigi Hadid, Dakota Johnson, Ethan Hawke, MGK, Jason Sudeikis, Hugh Grant, and Camila Cabello. Other stars who made more subtle entrances include Anya Taylor-Joy, Tom Hanks, Steven Spielberg, Paul McCartney, Sacha Baron Cohen, Selena Gomez, AMC Theatres CEO Adam Aron, and former Disney CEO Bob Iger. Other stars confirmed to be in attendance include Lena Dunham, Gigi Hadid, Barbara Corcoran, Justin Thomas, Ellie Goulding, Tommy Hilfiger, Jenny Han, Emma Stone, Stephen Colbert, Conan O’Brien, Millie Bobby Brown, Ice Spice, Brad Pitt, Gracie Abrams, Ronan Farrow, St. Vincent, Adam Scott, Jennifer Lopez, Paul Rudd and Seth Meyers. I don't know who those people are.

Of course, Travis's mother was in attendance, as well as his brother, Jason, who served as Travis's best man, and his quarterback, Patrick Mahomes, and his wife, Brittany, even though she is a known Trumper. Let's hope New York City did not scare her too much.

Over a dozen sources told Variety that guests were ”flying blind’ with scarce details about the wedding’s theme or dress code. Many were told simply to be in New York City the morning of July 3 and await further details.

In a since-deleted X post from AMC CEO Aron, he wrote about the wedding, “It did not look like Madison Square Garden. Immediately upon entry, everything… floors, walls, ceiling… was draped in peach and white. Large blown up pitctures of Taylor and Travis at each age, year by year, from one year-old to late teenager-hood, were on display.
A small portion of MSG was cordoned off, devoid of any notion that a basketball or hockey game ever shared that space. Somehow magically, someone created an outdoor garden at a lush countryside retreat. Everything draped off this time in green and white. Real flowers and I think artificial three welcomed fifteen rows of maybe 75 or so chairs. They say there were around one thousand attendees, but surprisingly, it all felt intimate and small. Everything was close.”

According to TMZ, Adam Sandler served as the officiant and sang an original song for the couple. Yes, I too think it’s weird they were married by Happy Gilmore. Stevie Nicks performed at the wedding, which makes more sense.

The very moment Swift and Kelce said, “I do,” it was broadcast to the world via digital billboards outside of MSG that read, “JUST&T MARRIED!”

In the days leading up to the wedding, Swift and Kelce donated $26 million to at least 20 charities, which is more than Donald Trump has donated in his entire life, despite being a billionaire. Some of the organizations they donated to include Food Bank for NYC, Los Angeles Regional Food Bank, Feeding America, Grammy In The Schools, Answer The Call, Musical Mentors, After-School All-Stars and Children’s Mercy Hospital.

I'm happy for them, and they are really good people, but celebrity weddings still make me throw up in my mouth a little bit. I mean, who needs Madison Square Garden to host a wedding? This totally upstaged Don Jr's second wedding, which was held somewhere in the Caribbean, which his father was too busy to attend.

This wedding probably had more people in attendance than Donald Trump's Great American State Fair.

Remember when this wedding shows up on Disney+ two weeks from now, that I called it.

Drawn in 30 seconds:

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