Birthday Fascist

Not even on your birthday

I’m sorry I made you wait for today’s blog, but I thought it would be more interesting to write the blog about Trump’s birthday parade after I actually attended his birthday parade.

And let’s not make mistakes about this. This military parade was not for the Army, but for Donald Trump.

Here’s the funny thing: I didn’t make it to the parade. Yes, I got a hotel room, and I planned to attend the parade, but three things happened. There were fences. Long long long fences. There was not a huge crowd, but it was tough to get through the snake of fences. Then, there were lines. But didn’t I just say the crowds were not huge? They weren’t, but the Trump organization likes to make people wait because it gives the impression that the crowds are large when they’re not.

And they must have expected much larger crowds because there were MAGA merchants everywhere. Yet, it didn’t seem like they were having a lot of customers. The street vendors selling ice cream had longer lines. I bought a cone.

If you want a huge crowd, go back to President Barack Obama’s inauguration. That was a huge crowd. Go back to Kamala Harris’ speech last November. That was a huge crowd. Or, go back to the last time I went to a Washington Capitals game. It was incredible if you could find a seat on the metro because the crowds were so large. But today, I took a metro at 5 p.m. and it was easy to find a seat. It wasn’t packed. And it wasn’t packed after the event either.

The parade started early because they wanted to beat the rain that never came. There were sprinkles, but nothing that should be able to stop a tank.

I said there was a thing that kept me from making it to Constitution Avenue, where the parade was held. The first were the fences, the second were the lines, and the third were the protests. The protests distracted me.

The official No Kings protests did not happen in Washington, DC. They didn’t want to start a fight. But, that didn’t stop independent protesters who did outnumber the MAGAts in my opinion. And readers, I feel bad because I wasn’t very nice to the MAGAts. You’ll see.

The closest thing I saw to violence was when a woman took a wild swing at a man holding a sign. They crossed paths, and she took a swing as they passed each other, which I don’t think she intended to connect. But he turned around and said, “Did you just take a swing at me?” She did not turn around, so he yelled, “Fuck Trump.” Yes, she was a MAGAt. And no, the man didn’t try to do anything violent. He kept on his way after yelling, “Fuck Trump.”

I had to know what was on his sign that made her want to take a swing, and here it is.

He hit a nerve. Here are some other scenes.

And then things got weird.

First, I saw this.

And it got weirder.

The thing that blew my mind with this one is that these MAGAts had a toddler with them. They’re trying to pick a fight while hauling their child around. Fortunately for them, the liberals they were trying to pick a fight with weren’t biting. But, man…I feel sorry for that kid.

This is just an example of the day.

And this is where I feel kinda bad, but the dude pissed me off.

This guy walks up and asks how much we were getting paid to protest. This is a conspiracy theory from the right that’s not based on any fact. It’s more projection because Trump has paid people to be at his rallies and events. So, I don’t feel bad about asking him how much he’s paid to F his mom. It wasn’t nice of me, but I think it’s the equivalent of what he said. If my mother was still here to see this, she would scold me (CLAYTON ROBERT JONES! You don’t ask strangers how much they’re paid to fuck their mothers and then call them a “fuckface” on Constitution Avenue in the nation’s capital), then go into another oom and laugh her ass off. My mother taught me to respect people, but she also taught me not to take any shit.

What I feel bad about and would apologize to him for is calling him “fuck face,” and then letting the fun continue for too long. He looked surprised, which made me wonder what he was expecting.

If I was to see this guy again, I would apologize for the fuckface bit, but I’m not sorry for the F his mom part. If you push me, I’m going to shove back. I’m not good at eating shit.

On the way back to my hotel, I saw three young guys in MAGAt caps, and I couldn’t control myself, because I felt they should not come to Washington, DC without being told. So I said, “Hey, MAGAts! Fuck Trump,” What? I didn’t say “Fuck you?” That would have been rude. But one of them did reply, “God bless you,” which tells they’ve been having seminars on this shit.

One of them got off at the same stop I did, and I wouldn’t describe what he did as running, but he did take off in a very brisk walk. But I was done. I had already told him what I wanted to say. Mission accomplished.

And while waiting on my Lyft to take me from the Metro to my hotel (I swear I’m not making this up), a huge rat ran over my foot.

Creative note: Some of this was drawn on a train. All the lettering was train-drawn.

Music note: I listened to Live again.

Drawn in 30 seconds:

Timelapse:

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