Big Beautiful Bezos

What else are they cutting to give the rich tax cuts?

I’m bummed I didn’t get an invite to Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez’s $56 million wedding. What? You didn’t get an invite either? What we should do is form a protest. We’ll just have to get in line with all the citizens of Venice, Italy. I didn’t want to catch a bouquet anyway.

The folks in Venice (Venucians, Venetians, Venicers, Veniceeans?) aren’t too happy about this “secret” wedding taking place in their city. Apparently, it’s too much for them. There sure are a lot of celebs attending despite it being a secret. If you want something to remain low-key, you don’t invite every Kardashian to it, as well as Tom Brady, Orlando Bloom, Javanka, Usher, Jewel, Sydney Sweeney, Bill Gates, Sam Altman, Tommy Hilfiger, and Oprah Winfrey. Oh, Oprah. No.

The guest list pisses me off because I invited all these people to a crawfish/oyster party and none of them showed up, but they all found time to go to Bezos’ thing. Hmph!

Bezos, who founded Amazon, bought the once-great Washington Post, killed an endorsement for Kamala Harris, and chased away the great Ann Telnaes, proposed to Sanchez on his $500 million yacht, which is worth 10 Bezos weddings and only half the size of his nose. And then, he sent Sanchez to space with Katy Perry on one of his rockets.

And, if he and Sanchez ever decide to split, he can just send her to space again…and not bring her back. In space, no one can hear you scream about a prenup.

Bezos kept it humble. On Thursday, there was a party at the Madonna dell’Orto complex, which contains a church and a cloister, whatever the fuck a cloister is. On Friday, there was a party at San Giorgio Maggiore where famous Italian singer Matteo Bocelli, whoever the fuck that is, delivered a celebratory performance where everyone requested he sing Freebird. There was another party Saturday, and because they wanted some authentic Italian food, was held at Olive Garden (I made that up, but the Freebird requests were real).

The protests are called the “No space for Bezos” movement. Get it? “No…space?” It’s because he owns Blue Horizon, a space company. Oh, never mind.

The protesters weren’t happy because Venice hadn’t seen a fascist party like this since Mussolini was skulking around the place. Did he get an invite? One sign said, “Veniceland: A playground fit for an oligarch.” Another sign said, “If you can rent Venice for your wedding, you can pay more tax.” He did just rent it, right, and not purchase Venice and fill it with Nazis like Elon did with Twitter and the government? And some practical jokers placed mannequins of Bezos and Amazon boxes all around the city to fuck with people. Now that’sa not a nice’a!

Speaking of fucking with people. Republicans are ready to pass a bill in the Senate, the “Big Beautiful Bill,” that most of them don’t even like. It’ll extend Trumps 2017 tax cuts for asshole billionaires while cutting programs for the needy, like Medicaid. So it wouldn’t surprise me if Republicans were stealing your healthcare and school lunches to pay for Bezos’ wedding.

Republicans are hoping there’s enough time between now and the midterms that voters will forget the Big Beautiful Butt Rape.

You’sa gonna be’a sorry. I’m trying to do an Italian accent, and not Jar-Jar Binks. Meesa will worky on it.

Sorry, this is a short blog today, but I was promised sea lions and pelicans. So I’m going to do that. I’ll post pictures in tomorrow’s blog before we go to San Diego.

Creative note: I started on something else, but I shelved it for this because I’m not sure how long Bezos’ wedding will remain relevant. They could be divorcing on Monday for all I know. I got this idea while Danny and Marina (whose home I’m staying in) stepped outside for a moment. Marina is very interesting because she’s from Slovakia or Moldova or someplace like that in the Eastern Bloc (she HATES Putin). Danny’s not as interesting because he’s from Texas.

Music note: I didn’t listen to any music because I was talking to Danny and Marina. They left the room again, which really helped me write this blog. They’re probably getting ready for sea lions and pelicans.

I was promised sea lions and pelicans, and if I don’t get sea lions and pelicans, I’m going to have a Trump Tantrum. It’ll be like someone called me TACO.

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