Arnold Palmer

Is that an Arnold Palmer in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

I don’t pay as much attention to the news on weekends as I do on weekdays. I don’t take days off but I do need little breaks here and there. On weekends, I try to watch stuff other than the news (I finally got around to watching American Psycho yesterday and even that had a Donald Trump reference). So when I was out last night and saw a post on Facebook from Melanie, a friend in Alabama stating, “Do yourself a solid and do not search why Arnold Palmer is trending.,” I had to find out why Arnold Palmer was trending. I thought maybe there was something new with the beverage named the golf great. When I found out why it was trending, I was surprised but not really.

When it comes to Donald Trump, should anything surprise us anymore?

Donald Trump was campaigning in Latrobe, Pennsylvania yesterday and paid tribute to it being the birthplace and home of Arnold Palmer…and as Trump has been doing later, he meandered off track and things got weird. Things got real weird.

Trump said, “Arnold Palmer was all man, and I say that in all due respect to women — and I love women. But this guy, this guy, this is a guy that was all man. This man was strong and tough. And I refuse to say it, but when he took showers with the other pros, they came out of there, they said, ‘Oh my God, that's unbelievable.’”

First…yes, Donald. We know you love women because you’ve sexually assaulted at least 25 of them and a jury found you liable for rape.

Second…you made it sound like all the other golfers came running out of the showers like they had seen a giant iguana.

Third…what the freaking fuck is wrong with you? Why are you on the campaign trail talking about another man’s penis? Is this what Latrobe is proud of? Arnold Palmer’s penis? Does the welcome sign into town read, “Welcome to Latrobe, PA, the birthplace of Arnold Palmer’s amazingly huge penis?” Probably not, but maybe it will now.

I have male friends and I assume they each have their own penis, but I never think about them. If you are friends with Donald Trump, do you think maybe he’s thinking about your penis? Is he eyeing you thinking, “Hmmm, is it big? Is it tiny? Does it look like a tiny deformed mushroom the same way mine does?”

This is stranger than the time Trump talked about yacht orgies to Boy Scouts. It might be weirder than the time during a GOP debate when he defended his penis from accusations from Marco Rubio that it was tiny, shrimpy, pathetic, and sad looking…or was that Stormy Daniels’ accusation? Either, more than one person has said it’s tiny. Even his rape victim wasn’t sure he was using his tiny penis.

Maybe Donald Trump is just obsessed with dicks. Maybe the reason he plays golf so much is to take showers with golfers. Even when he’s dancing it looks like he’s masturbating two guys.

It should also be noted that over the past week, Orange Grandpa has looked tired and slow and trailed off subject during his rallies. He had to cancel a few interviews last week due to exhaustion. He got so tired of questions from his own supporters at his town hall that he stopped taking questions to do the jerk-off dance for 40 minutes. But he was wildly energetic while talking about Arnold Palmer’s penis.

And ya know, poor Arnold doesn’t deserve this. Let the poor guy and his huge schlong rest in peace. Peg Palmer, the daughter of the golf great, says her politically conservative father didn’t like Donald Trump.

She told an author in 2018, “My dad didn’t like people who act like they’re better than other people. He had no patience for people who are dishonest and cheat. My dad was disciplined. He wanted to be a good role model. He was appalled by Trump’s lack of civility and what he began to see as Trump’s lack of character.”

“One moment stands out in my mind,” she told the writer. “My dad and I were at home in Latrobe. He died in September, so this was before the election. The television was on. Trump was talking, and my dad made a sound of disgust — like ‘uck’ or ‘ugg’ — like he couldn't believe the arrogance and crudeness of this man who was the nominee of the political party that he believed in. Then he said, ‘He's not as smart as we thought he was’ and walked out of the room. What would my dad think of Donald Trump today? I think he’d cringe.”

Wow, that’s a burn. That’s like getting slapped in the face with a huge penis, except Trump would probably like that.

Arnold Palmer died in 2016, six weeks before Trump was “elected” to the presidency. Don’t be jealous.

There’s something mentally wrong with 78-year-old Donald Trump. His happy meal is short a few french fries…and speaking of fries, Trump worked the fry vat at a Pennsylvania McDonald’s today.

Shame on you, McDonald’s. Shame on you for allowing Trump to use your franchise as a political photo-op, and shame on you for letting an old man with dementia play with boiling grease in a fry cooker. I’m shocked the entire restaurant didn’t burn down.

Trump is unqualified for the presidency and he should have a job where he has to ask, “Do you want fries with that?”

Colleagues, don’t steal that idea.

Music note: I listened to Pearl Jam while coloring.

Drawn in 30 seconds:

Timelapse with a voiceover:

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