Algae Turbulence

Everything Trump touches turns to shit

As you know, Donald Trump has been flying around in a brand-new Air Force One, which is a Boeing 747-8 jet “gifted” by the nation of Qatar.

Before the flying bribe could be made fit to be Air Force One, it had to be updated with all the latest security tech and gadgets and swept for bugs. This was expected to cost over $1 billion. But suddenly, it was ready earlier than expected for less than $400 million, and Trump got to fly around in it while bragging about how much of an improvement it was over the previous jet used as Air Force One. Trump even changed the color scheme of the jet because he has to put his ugly stamp on everything.

Now it turns out that the jet is not ready to be Air Force One. Trump must've wanted it rushed out so he could fly it to the NATO Summit in Turkey this week to impress all the other world leaders. Reportedly, the new Air Force One is much more luxurious than the old one. No word yet on whether it's fitted with gold toilets.

Turkey borders Iran, which we are currently at war with. While at the summit, we resumed bombing Iran, and Israeli intelligence reported brand-new Iranian death threats against Donald Trump's life. At the former supreme leader's funeral this week, who was assassinated by the US and Israel during this war, hundreds of signs were seen that read "Kill Trump.”

So Trump flew to Turkey in the new Air Force One, but after leaving Turkey, he swapped for the old Air Force One at Mildenhall Air Base, which is a Royal Air Force station that primarily supports United States Air Force operations. Trump's reason for this was that the new one needed to go to a military base in Europe “so the soldiers can see it.”

This is like when Trump has a mysterious trip to the hospital and explains it by claiming that he's in such good physical shape that the doctors wanted to marvel at his body once again.

Of course, like most things with Donald Trump, that was bullshit, and soon the media discovered that the real reason was that the new Air Force One didn’t have the necessary communications and defensive capabilities for “safe travel amid Iran hostilities.”

According to people briefed on the plans, the change came at the urging of the Secret Service. The Secret Service had no comment, but the White House was pissed that the media reported the truth.

Trump denied that security was the reason why he switched jets and posted to social media Wednesday that he would fly aboard the older aircraft “for old time’s sake” out of Ankara so that the newer plane could be shown off at Mildenhall Air Force Base in England to give U.S. troops a “chance to tour the Aircraft.”

When Trump departed Ankara, he boarded the old aircraft unusually quickly, before the journalists traveling with him could watch or photograph him ascending the steps, as they typically do. Passengers on board were also instructed to pull their window shades down before takeoff. Was everyone on board told to whisper?

The older plane has been widely reported to be equipped with a system designed to blind an incoming antiaircraft missile, along with “chaff” that could be deployed to mislead a missile and force it off course. It is unclear how many, if any, of those capabilities have been installed on the newer plane that was donated by Qatar.

When the United States received the plane from Qatar, lawmakers expressed concern that Trump would pressure the Air Force to do the work so fast that sufficient security measures would not be built into the plane, including missile defense systems or even systems to protect it from the electromagnetic effects of a nuclear blast. The orders to make it a rush job were given by the Secretary of Defense/War, Pete Hegseth.

Andrew P. Hunter, the former Air Force assistant secretary who was in charge of the Air Force One program during the Biden administration, said that a true retrofit of a 747 jet to prepare it to become Air Force One would require more than a year of work.

That is because the base plane, even if it has a luxurious interior, needs significant modifications to its physical structure to accommodate special security upgrades, work that would have taken longer than the Air Force had to retrofit the “donated” Qatari jet.

Government officials have told The New York Times that this more complex work includes advanced missile defense systems and hardening of the plane’s wiring to protect it from an electromagnetic pulse, in case there is a nuclear strike. It is unclear whether such work was done on the Qatari jet. Why can't we just install all of the security measures with super glue, like all the gold ornaments in the Oval Office?

So, how much did we have to spend to fly two Air Force One planes to Europe for Donald Trump to strut around to impress other world leaders? In the past, Donald Trump has mentioned how he didn't believe the old Air Force One was impressive enough for other world leaders to see, or comparable to their aircraft, especially those used by Saudi Arabia and Qatar.

If anything, showing off this plane is an embarrassment to the United States. Look how easy it is to bribe an American president.

Once again, the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool is a great analogy for the Trump regime.

Creative note: I thought of another way to draw this cartoon halfway through it, and I sketched it out. But after bouncing them both off of proofer Laura, she told me to stick with this version. I think she was right.

Drawn in 30 seconds:

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