Let’s say you’re Donald Trump. I know, I know…you’re NOT Donald Trump, but bear with me.
You’re Donald Trump and you have cheated on all three of your wives. Over two dozen women have accused you of sexual assault. A jury found you liable for rape. There are photos of what appear to be your 15-year-old daughter giving you a lap dance and you’ve even said if she wasn’t your daughter that you’d probably be dating her. There’s video of you dancing beside Jeffrey Epstein while the two of you creepily ogle young women. You once talked about how Epstein likes them young, perhaps more than you do. There are flight logs that list you flying on Epstein’s plane, the Lolita Express, at least six times. You told Howard Stern that you would walk into dressing rooms for the girls competing in your beauty contests. There’s a recording of you boasting about “moving on her like a bitch” and “grab them by the pussy” and “they let you do it while you’re famous.” Frankly, the list goes on and on.
And then one day while running for president, your main plane, A Boeing 757 that’s nicknamed Trump Force One has some engine trouble, so you have to charter a plane.
You find a nice Gulfstream G-550, stamp “Trump 2024” on its side, and fly from Bozeman, Montana, to Jackson Hole, Wyoming, to Aspen, Colorado, and to Denver to attend fundraisers and rallies. And then you find out later that this charter jet once belonged to…guess who…your old buddy, neighbor, party mate, and fellow creepster Jeffrey Epstein. Yeahy, no shit.
Think about that for a minute and keep in mind all the sexual offenses I listed above. If you’re Donald Trump and you rent a plane without knowing it previously belonged to Jeffrey Epstein, just what the fuck is Fate trying to tell you?
Is Fate trying to remind you what a piece of shit you are, or is Fate trying to remind the public? It has to be the public because Fate has to know by now that you don’t do subtlety or get irony.
What are the odds for a sex offender to just randomly end up in Jeffrey Epstein’s old plane? This wasn’t the Lolita Express because that was sold and destroyed years ago, but I’m pretty sure the plane Trump got wasn’t clean, unless Epstein had one plane for pedophilia and the other for strictly business.
Just a few days ago, sounding like a domestic abuser, Trump told women at a MAGA hate rally, “You will no longer be abandoned, lonely, or scared. You will no longer be in danger. You’re not gonna be in danger any longer. You will no longer have anxiety from all of the problems our country has today. You will be protected, and I will be your protector. Women will be happy, healthy, confident, and free. You will no longer be thinking about abortion.”
If you’re female, you can pause here to take a shower.
So is that why Trump assaults women? He sees one and thinks, “Gosh, she looks lonely, scared, and abandoned. I’ll go grab her by the pussy and that should perk her right up. She’ll feel protected.”
This is like Colonel Sanders telling chicken he’ll be their protector. This is like Sheriff Joe Arpaio telling immigrants he’ll be their protector. This is like Homer Simpson promising to protect donuts. This is like Roy Moore protecting a mall food court. This is like JD Vance protecting couches. This is like Mark Robinson protecting your keyboard from becoming sticky. This is like Matt Gaetz protecting your teen age daughter. This is like a space alien protecting your anus.
There’s really only one woman in this nation protected from Donald Trump and that’s Melania Trump because she too has Secret Service protection. She doesn’t just sleep in a separate room away from Trump, she often will sleep in a different state.
Does anyone understand the part about women no longer thinking about abortion? Maybe he’s just talking about legal abortion and women will be thinking a LOT about back alley abortions performed with coat hangers.
It’s Trump’s fault that Roe v. Wade was overturned and it’s what “everyone wanted.”
In a way, Trump is telling women to vote for him and then they won’t have to worry their pretty little heads about things. Just let Donald Trump do all the thinking and you women can do what JD Vance advocates for, being barefoot stay-at-home baby makers.
Not only will you never have to think about abortion ever again with Trump back in the White House, you’ll never have to worry about being a childless cat lady either… because JD says you’ll be forced to have children and immigrants are coming to eat your cat before they’re all mass deported.
Donald Trump won’t protect women any more than he’ll protect this country.
Drawn in 30 seconds:
Timelapse with a voiceover:
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Clay, did you see Henry Payne's racist cartoon yesterday? I wish gocomics wouldn't have taken away comments, so he could be called out.
His standard method is to lie early, lie often, and lie again and again until his "followers" are led to believe the lie is true because they've heard it so many times, so it MUST be true, right?
My thoughts and prayers go to the independent and moderate voters of the swing states, that they are listening with ears/minds/hearts and will take the correct action in the voting booth.